It’s been quite a year—a long stretch filled with constant change and uncertainty. The pandemic’s impact on our collective mental health is undeniable, but what troubles me most is the burden carried by mothers who have long grappled with perfectionism and feel a profound lack of control in these tumultuous times.
Perfectionism often stems from societal pressures and the need to conform. It’s rooted deep in our instincts, driving us to ensure our safety and acceptance. From ancient times, our ancestors had to be hyper-aware of their environment to avoid danger or exclusion from their groups, which has shaped our minds to constantly assess our worth and the potential pitfalls we might face. This tendency is known as catastrophizing, and many of us experience it naturally.
Perfectionists tend to highlight their shortcomings, fixating on worst-case scenarios and imposing immense pressure on themselves to excel, regardless of their situation. As women, and especially as mothers, we’ve been conditioned to adhere to certain standards—putting everyone else’s needs before our own while maintaining an image of composure. This mindset has become a form of psychological torture during the pandemic.
Why? Because the rules have fundamentally shifted. Our routines, our rhythms, and our definitions of “normal” have all changed, leaving us grappling with how to adapt perfectly without the prior knowledge or support we once relied on. Mothers bearing the weight of COVID-related burdens are caught in a cycle of neglecting their own needs while feeling like failures in every aspect of their lives.
How can we thrive while working from home when our children are crying in the background? How can we prioritize our mental health when all our usual outlets for processing emotions have been stripped away? In these moments of chaos, we often revert to unhealthy coping mechanisms, leading to increased drinking, anxiety, and depression.
I see you, mama, because I am you. I’ve found myself drinking more, worrying excessively, and experiencing physical symptoms I’ve never felt before. Here are a few strategies that have helped me and the wonderful women I work with:
- Acknowledge the Challenge.
Let’s be real: THIS IS HARD. Recognizing that we’re doing our best and that all our emotions are valid in these extraordinary times is crucial. - Practice Deep Breathing.
Take ten deep belly breaths. Inhale for five seconds through your nose, filling your belly, pause, then exhale slowly through your nose. This simple technique calms the nervous system and signals safety to our brains. - Embrace Self-Compassion.
Understand that your desire for perfection is just a survival instinct. Give yourself grace and love during these tough times. - Be Intentional with Your Energy.
We’re not limitless sources of energy. Focus on your core values and prioritize what truly matters. Choose one or two areas to excel in and allow yourself to be less than perfect in others. Remember, your “mediocre” will likely still be impressive to the outside world. - Recognize Your Enoughness.
Feel your emotions, acknowledge the difficulties, then shift your focus to the positives. This practice rewires the brain to recognize the good amidst the chaos.
As a mother and a recovering perfectionist, I understand the struggles we face. Perhaps this situation is a lesson from the universe, urging us to release the impossible standards we’ve internalized and to reassess our priorities, placing ourselves higher on that list. We cannot pour from an empty cup, and this is a daily reminder to prioritize our own well-being.
You matter, mama. The pressure to be perfect is out. Embracing imperfection is in. May these insights serve you well.
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In summary, mothers are under immense pressure to be perfect, especially during challenging times. Recognizing the need to prioritize self-care, embrace imperfection, and focus on what truly matters can help alleviate some of this burden. It’s time to redefine what success looks like in our lives and give ourselves permission to be enough.