Navigating conversations about disability can be daunting, especially when I feel out of my depth on certain topics. While some individuals may rush in with misplaced confidence, I prefer to take a step back, listen, and learn. Acknowledging my own uncertainties is part of the process, but it doesn’t eliminate the awkwardness that often accompanies the journey toward understanding.
My goal is to foster meaningful dialogues with my children regarding disability and to answer their inquisitive questions thoughtfully. Thankfully, numerous advocates and individuals with disabilities are willing to share their insights, leaving no room for excuses when it comes to educating myself.
First and foremost, we must become comfortable with the language that individuals request to describe themselves. There is a stigma associated with the terms “disabled” and “disability.” For too long, society has marginalized those who differ from what is deemed “normal.” This marginalization extends beyond disabilities to include individuals from various backgrounds, including those who are plus-sized, queer, or BIPOC. As someone who identifies as queer, I’ve often faced pressure to avoid the term, with others labeling it as negative. However, it’s a part of my identity and serves as a bridge to connect with others who share similar experiences. Expecting me to change my language to ease their discomfort isn’t how allyship works.
Emily Lane, a disability activist, emphasizes that using euphemisms to describe disabilities only serves to diminish the discrimination faced by disabled individuals. As she notes, 15 percent of the global population identify as disabled, making this community the largest minority group worldwide. In her book, Demystifying Disability, she provides insights on how to engage thoughtfully and create an inclusive environment for individuals with disabilities.
Lane shares that true allyship involves meaningful actions. Non-disabled parents can play a significant role in supporting the disability community by actively seeking knowledge from disabled voices and encouraging their children to do the same.
It’s essential to recognize that children’s inquiries about disability stem from their natural curiosity. As adults, we have a responsibility to address their questions without shaming them or perpetuating negative stereotypes. For instance, if a child asks, “What’s wrong with that person?” we can gently reframe the question by saying, “That person has a disability, but that doesn’t define them. It’s just one aspect of who they are.” If unsure about an answer, honesty is the best policy; learning together can be a powerful experience.
Maya Jennings, a writer and mother of two, advises that acknowledging a child’s observation is important, and we should look to the disabled individual for cues on how to engage. Often, they are open to discussing their experiences with curious children, but we should never put them in an uncomfortable position. Avoiding eye contact or sidestepping interaction can dehumanize the disabled person, making them feel invisible.
We should also reflect on the environments we occupy and how they serve or exclude others. Questions such as, “Is this space accessible for everyone?” or “Why are there stairs instead of a ramp?” can lead to greater awareness. Everyone can benefit from accessibility features; therefore, we must strive to ensure equal opportunity for all.
Incorporating resources like You Can’t Invite A Fish To A Dance Party by Jessica Williams into our reading routines can help children understand inclusion and the importance of accommodating everyone.
Disabled individuals don’t require us to speak for them or validate their experiences. Our role is to listen, learn, and improve our actions. While discomfort can arise, embracing it is essential for becoming the allies we aim to be.
As Lane aptly states, “We live in a society that signals that differences should make us uncomfortable, so actively challenging that notion is imperative.”
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Summary
Understanding disability involves embracing respectful language, acknowledging curiosity, and fostering inclusive dialogues. By actively engaging with the disabled community and educating ourselves and our children, we can become better allies.