Over a decade ago, I experienced my second miscarriage—not my last. While the intensity of the grief has lessened over time, it lingers. Yes, it is grief. Mothers who go through a miscarriage are undeniably grieving. However, the nature of that grief can vary widely from person to person and even from one miscarriage to another. I faced pregnancy loss three times, each experience distinctly different. My initial miscarriage, an early loss often termed a chemical pregnancy, felt oddly surreal. I was grappling with the loss of something I hadn’t fully embraced as mine yet, making it hard to process my emotions.
The second miscarriage was far more traumatic, involving numerous doctor appointments, weeks of anxious hope, and ultimately a D&C procedure after my doctor cautioned that waiting for the miscarriage to occur naturally could lead to excessive blood loss and hospitalization. The grief hit me hard, but I bore it in silence. As a stay-at-home mom at the time, I didn’t feel the need to inform coworkers or a boss, yet the pain was often overwhelming. I found solace in long walks with my dogs and toddler, devouring self-help books, and occasionally letting my son watch too much television.
What compounded the anguish was the societal expectation to simply “move on.” Miscarriages are common, after all, so why not just get over it? The truth is, we shouldn’t.
This is precisely why New Zealand’s recent miscarriage bereavement leave legislation is so crucial. It’s not just about the financial relief it provides to families—though that is significant—but also about recognizing the deep grief that accompanies pregnancy loss.
“The bill will allow women and their partners time to grieve without needing to use sick leave. Their sorrow is not an illness; it’s a profound loss that requires time to heal,” said Sarah Mitchell, the politician who championed the bill in a statement to local media. She added, “I hope this legislation helps to acknowledge the need for time to process the unimaginable grief that follows losing a pregnancy.”
I share this hope. It’s vital that this law, and the discussions surrounding it, influence not only lawmakers in the U.S. but also employers to understand the importance of providing bereavement leave for miscarriage. Mental health professionals affirm this need.
“This law serves as both a practical and symbolic acknowledgment that miscarriage can result in significant bereavement for individuals and their partners,” noted Lisa Jones, a therapist based in Sydney. “I hope similar measures are adopted elsewhere to address this long-ignored experience.”
We’ve made strides from the days of suffering miscarriages and stillbirths in silence, yet a certain stigma still surrounds the topic. Conversations about miscarriage are often acceptable in some contexts, but the workplace isn’t typically one of them.
As someone who has written extensively online, I’ve tackled numerous subjects, including my own miscarriages. Yet when contemplating sharing this article on a professional platform like LinkedIn, I hesitated. Why? This issue is intrinsically linked to employment matters and the career challenges faced by women. So, what holds me back? The fear of openly admitting to my professional network that I experienced multiple miscarriages. This apprehension underscores the necessity of laws like this one. When we conceal such experiences at work, we inadvertently suggest that our pain is insignificant.
As a result, women often carry this burden alone. We push forward, masking our grief and striving to meet expectations, but in doing so, we lose a part of ourselves. An effective workplace should not require employees to sacrifice their emotional well-being. It should be a space where individuals can express their authentic selves—grieving, joyful, and everything in between—to perform at their best.
This is the profound impact of New Zealand’s new law. While its economic implications are substantial, its true strength lies in the message it sends: “I acknowledge your pain. You are seen as a whole person. Let’s support one another.” There’s nothing more powerful—or necessary—than that.
For more on this topic, you might find this post interesting, exploring different angles of pregnancy loss. Additionally, for those interested in home insemination, Cryobaby’s at-home insemination kit is a great resource. If you’re looking for reliable information on pregnancy and home insemination, Healthline offers excellent insights.
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- What is miscarriage bereavement leave?
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In summary, New Zealand’s miscarriage bereavement law represents a crucial acknowledgment of the grief that accompanies pregnancy loss, offering a supportive framework for individuals to heal without the pressure of returning to work immediately. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing emotional pain and fostering an environment where individuals can be their authentic selves, ultimately contributing to a healthier workplace.