Updated: March 30, 2021
Originally Published: March 29, 2021
Let’s dive into my journey as an older mom. I was busy building my career as a journalist and had little interest in diaper duty or staying in on weekends. Then, one day, I turned 40 and told my partner, “It’s now or never.” Miraculously, just five months later, it was time to embrace motherhood.
The Upsides
I have a strong sense of self.
I feel incredibly fortunate to have had my child later in life. Unlike my younger years, when I was still figuring out who I was, in my 40s, I have a clear understanding of myself. I wasn’t navigating motherhood while still growing up.
I possess more time and patience.
While I’m not claiming to be a perfect mother, I certainly have more time now to put in a genuine effort. I’m able to read parenting books and learn new strategies. While my patience isn’t limitless, it’s definitely greater than it would have been while juggling a reporting career.
I can take time off.
Thanks to my partner’s job, I was able to take a significant break after our baby arrived. With two decades of work experience behind me, I had the skills and connections that made stepping away from my career less daunting. I was confident I could find work again when the time came.
I can afford help.
We hired an amazing nanny, Mia, who truly adored our daughter. I believe that if a car were barreling toward the sidewalk, she would have chosen to save my daughter over herself. Early on, I learned the importance of utilizing Mia effectively. A friend, Sarah, who also became a mom later, advised me to let go of guilt about not doing everything myself. Instead, focus on moments you cherish, like bath time and reading together. That advice transformed me into a better mom by keeping me from burning out.
I’m more flexible and fun.
As older parents, my partner and I approach parenting with a more relaxed attitude. We’re less concerned about strict routines. We’ve seen younger friends fixate on schedules, and we remember those days of crashing their routines just by stopping by unannounced! Nowadays, we welcome visitors anytime, and if a bath gets skipped, it’s no big deal. I feel I’m a more enjoyable mom now; I don’t mind being silly, whether it’s dancing with my daughter or appearing in her TikTok videos. Just yesterday, I did a goofy bunny hop across the screen, and she dubbed me “the coolest mom!”
The Downsides
I’m older.
As I age, I find myself needing to stretch more to avoid pulling muscles while picking up my daughter. I tire more quickly and need time alone to recharge. Sometimes, I dream of the bliss of a solo transatlantic flight with just a glass of wine.
I’m older than other parents.
While my confidence has grown, I struggle with being a decade older than many other moms. I even once lied about my age at a school event on my 50th birthday, not wanting to draw attention to it. I prefer to think that there’s nothing remarkable about hitting that milestone.
I’m not tech-savvy.
Being a generation removed from my daughter’s tech world is challenging. I don’t share her enthusiasm for documenting everything online or understanding her digital hobbies. I sometimes feel lost in her world of social media, which would likely be different if I were younger.
I worry others notice my age.
At the doctor’s office, I felt the sting when the nurse asked my daughter who I was, and I feared it was due to my age. Once, while at a water park, I realized the adults I was chatting with were grandparents, while I was still actively parenting. Their surprised looks made me acutely aware of my age.
In conclusion, I wouldn’t trade my experience as an older mom for anything. I feel grateful for the opportunity to raise my child and embrace this new chapter of life.
For more insights, check out this other blog post. If you’re considering parenthood later in life, Make a Mom offers great resources for home insemination, and ASRM is an excellent tool for pregnancy guidance.
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Summary:
Being an older mom comes with both advantages and challenges. While I enjoy the confidence and wisdom that comes with age, I also navigate the physical limitations and societal perceptions that accompany it. Ultimately, I feel fortunate for the experiences motherhood offers.