Like many others, I found myself gaining weight during quarantine. Truthfully, I began this period at a lower weight than usual, largely due to the stresses of life and not from any diet plans. My experience with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) makes weight control a fluctuating journey. When my PCOS is managed, my weight tends to drop, but when it flares up, the numbers on the scale rise. Interestingly, during pregnancy, I’ve experienced significant weight loss, as PCOS doesn’t impact me then. It’s a reminder that weight and self-worth are complex issues, and it’s not as simple as just suggesting someone eat healthier.
When the pandemic started, I was lighter than I had been in years, largely because I had just welcomed a newborn. This unexpected weight loss stirred up complicated feelings for me. I felt like my worth and beauty were tied to being smaller. It’s not that I’m against the idea of being slimmer; rather, I had unintentionally lost weight due to my circumstances, and I recognize that my body is allowed to change as my life does. The struggle lies in not equating my worth with my weight; if I feel more beautiful at a lower weight, then gaining it back could lead to feelings of unworthiness, which I simply can’t afford.
For over a year, my family has been extremely cautious about COVID, meaning we spent most of our time at home. While I focused on various aspects of life, my body size wasn’t a priority. As a result, I’ve gained weight and returned to a more typical size for myself. Growing up in a culture that glorifies dieting, I won’t deny that seeing the scale rise initially felt disappointing. Each extra pound felt like a step away from the so-called ideal of thinness. However, I’ve learned to move past that mindset, recognizing that I’ve worked hard to dissociate my body size from my intrinsic value as a human being.
This journey has led me to confront deep-seated feelings about my body, stemming from childhood experiences that have shaped my self-perception. I’ve realized that I once linked feelings of hunger with morality, believing that being hungry made me a better person, especially as a woman. This way of thinking is harmful. It’s essential for me to remember that hunger signifies my body needing nourishment, and everyone, regardless of their size, deserves to eat when hungry. During a pandemic, the ease of accessing food makes it even more normal to respond to those needs.
Negative societal messages about body size have often made me apprehensive about gaining weight, fearing judgment or perceptions of failure. It’s crucial to recognize that my beauty and success are not defined by my ability to fit into an ever-changing and often unattainable ideal.
Recently, I visited my doctor for a health concern unrelated to weight. When the nurse called me in, I requested to skip the scale as I was already anxious about my health. She obliged. During my appointment, my doctor asked about my well-being and checked in on my anxiety. She didn’t bring up my weight. When I mentioned it, she reassured me, saying, “Stop. Don’t explain yourself. I’m not worried about your weight today. You’re healthy in other ways, and given your responsibilities at home, let’s focus on what matters right now.” This validation from a medical professional emphasized that accepting changes in our bodies during such unprecedented times is vital.
If you’ve gained weight during the pandemic, you’re certainly not alone, and you deserve to show yourself kindness. Understanding your body as a dynamic entity that adapts to life’s circumstances is liberating. Your changing body is a testament to your life and resilience. So, you’ve put on some pounds—who really cares? It doesn’t signify weakness or failure; instead, it shows that during a global health crisis, you’ve taken care of your body. Many precious lives have been lost due to this virus, but you’re still here, and that’s something to celebrate. It’s okay to embrace the changes in yourself, including a little extra weight.
To read more on this topic, check out this other blog post here. You can also find useful information on pregnancy and home insemination here. For further resources, visit this excellent guide on family building options here.
Summary
The author reflects on their experience of gaining weight during quarantine, emphasizing the importance of separating body size from personal worth. They discuss the struggles with body image, societal pressures, and the need for self-acceptance during a challenging time. The article serves as a reminder that weight fluctuations are a normal part of life and should not define our value as individuals.