My teenager, Ethan, expressed a desire to attend a New Year’s Eve gathering with a couple of friends and his girlfriend. Navigating this type of decision is challenging for any mom, especially one with a 17-year-old; setting boundaries is crucial. However, being in the midst of a pandemic made it a bit easier for me to say no.
Naturally, I became the villain in this scenario, especially since other parents were more lenient, allowing their kids to “have some fun” after such a tough year. Yes, I understand it’s been hard for everyone, Karen—I’ve been living through it too.
Fast forward a few months later, and when another friend of Ethan turned 18, his parents rented a hotel room for him and his friends to “celebrate.” Once again, I found myself in a difficult position after declining to let Ethan attend. Other moms were calling me, my son was upset, and his friends bombarded me with messages, assuring me everything would be fine.
When Ethan started experiencing a scratchy throat and runny nose before Christmas, I was the first to notice and promptly took him to get tested. When my kids wanted to return to school after half a year of remote learning, it was me they approached, making their case. Just last week, I lost my patience when my daughter, Lily, was invited to a slumber party. I had to say no because I worried it could quickly become a super-spreader event, especially among teenagers. We all remember the sneaky antics of youth, and I felt that if a parent was okay with a sleepover, they likely weren’t taking COVID precautions seriously.
Lily seemed to understand my reasoning, but on the day of the party, the father of the host called me (while I was trying to work) to discuss my decision. He argued for ten minutes, insisting they would be careful and asking me to reconsider. He didn’t bother to reach out to my ex-husband; it was once again my responsibility to prioritize our family’s health and be the bad guy.
This isn’t a new burden; even before the pandemic, I was always the one who noticed when my kids needed to see a doctor. I scheduled their appointments and managed their social lives. Whenever we ran low on certain groceries, the kids came to me.
Over the past year, with every decision feeling like a matter of life or death, moms have had to make countless choices for their families. The exhaustion is real, and it’s no wonder we often feel like we are losing no matter what we choose. The weight of these responsibilities falls squarely on our shoulders, and it’s disheartening that we’re expected to manage it all alone.
I’ve heard some partners claim it’s because we’re “better” at handling these situations, but that’s simply untrue. Carrying the burden of worry—constantly saying no, deciding whether to risk a doctor’s visit for non-COVID symptoms, or contemplating the necessity of a trip to the store—can leave us feeling utterly drained.
When these decisions are left to moms, we often come off as the fun-sponges who ruin our kids’ enjoyment. Yet, we’re the ones lying awake at night, our minds racing over how to navigate this chaos. It’s a role we embrace, but the toll it takes is immense. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never felt this level of fatigue in my life.
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Summary:
Moms have taken on the primary decision-making role during the pandemic, from managing social activities to health concerns. This responsibility can be exhausting and often leaves them feeling overwhelmed. Despite being labeled as the “bad guy,” mothers are simply trying to protect their families in a time of uncertainty.