Let’s be real: I’d much rather wait until the kids are asleep and my partner is home from work after a full day of juggling motherhood, work, and house chores than endure the chaos of taking my little ones to the grocery store. While I understand that some parents find it necessary to bring their kids along, and there are Pinterest tutorials touting grocery shopping as a chance for a fun, educational outing, I just don’t feel like it today.
Once upon a time, grocery shopping felt like a mini-vacation. I would step into the cool, quiet aisles and forget about the hectic world outside. With my shopping list in hand and Whitney Houston serenading me overhead, I could lose myself in thoughts about delicious meals I wanted to create. It was a time of blissful solitude, filled with pleasant exchanges—like helping an elderly lady reach for an item on a high shelf or thanking a friendly cashier. I looked forward to this simple pleasure in life.
But then, life happened. I had two energetic kids who seem to turn into loud, demanding tornadoes the moment we approach the grocery store. It’s not just my experience; I’ve witnessed other parents face the same transformation in their well-behaved children. It’s like a spell has been cast, and I’m done with it. I cherish my kids too much to spend my grocery trips wishing I was anywhere else. Here are my reasons for opting to shop solo from now on:
- My trunk is already stuffed with at least 37 of their “art projects” and a garbage bag full of toys I’ve stealthily removed, and I can’t risk their interference during my purge.
- I’d rather not hear requests for ice cream, puppies, video games, and other distractions while I’m driving us to the store.
- It would be nice to enjoy the radio in peace without being bombarded by questions like, “Mom, what does ‘tap dat ass’ mean?”
- I’d like to avoid the awkwardness of cleaning up after my child swings the car door into the adjacent vehicle—a habit that seems impossible to break.
- They always find the A/C too cold but refuse to bring the long-sleeved shirts I told them to pack. Let’s skip the “I told you so” moment, please.
- Although my kids only regularly eat about seven foods, they miraculously request 23 items per aisle.
- Our store has those mini carts, and I prefer to keep my Achilles tendon intact.
- Don’t even get me started on those shopping carts that resemble cars; they’re germ-ridden and seem to dissolve children upon contact.
- Yelling “STAY TO THE RIGHT!” in my overly cheery voice has lost its charm and is no longer fun.
- I dread having to return items my little ones sneak into the cart to the bewildered cashier who didn’t sign up to be their personal assistant.
- Precariously stacked items are too easy for little hands to reach in the store. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.
- Apologizing to fewer people is a bonus when I shop alone and can actually pay attention to my surroundings.
- I love jamming to Nineties music and would prefer to dance by myself.
- Explaining the circle of life at the live lobster tank is a conversation I’d rather not have again—swear words may slip out.
- It’s much easier to buy the hidden cookies when my kids aren’t around.
- I don’t want to endure comments about how vegetables taste like butt today; I’m buying them regardless.
- I fear there will be no candy-free checkout lines available, and I can’t handle one more whiny “PLEAAAAASE?”
So if you happen to spot me late at night cruising the local supermarket in my pajamas, grooving to some synthesized tunes while adding fresh broccoli to my cart, you’ll understand why. I have a feeling I won’t be the only parent doing the same.
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In summary, grocery shopping without kids is a much more peaceful experience, and I intend to keep it that way.
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