Please refrain from asking someone when they plan to have another child. Or any child, for that matter. And definitely don’t suggest a timeline for it.
There’s truly no right moment to bring up such a sensitive topic. Just the other day, I was talking with a fellow mom, and as is often the case, our conversation shifted to our children. We both have toddlers of similar ages, and she shared her annoyance at the incessant questions about when she would add to her family.
I responded with a sigh and my usual, “UGH,” because honestly, that question is exhausting. “I’m not sure if I want another one—I’m already so worn out,” she confessed. “People say I shouldn’t wait too long, or my kids will be too far apart, but I’m fine with an age gap. I know I’m not ready for another right now, but they keep telling me I’ll be too old soon.” Then she whispered, “I don’t even know if I can HAVE another.”
Fortunately, time constraints prevented me from delving into my own experiences with such comments. I didn’t share my own feelings on the matter.
I didn’t mention that, unlike her, I had wanted my children to be closer in age. I didn’t reveal that I had faced loss and, for a time, questioned if I could have another child. I didn’t bring up the moment someone asked me when I was going to have another child at a baby shower that had already stirred up painful emotions from my previous loss. I didn’t explain that the same day, I should have been celebrating a baby shower of my own, had things gone differently.
I didn’t mention how someone told me I was running out of time to have another child on the due date of my stillborn baby. Or how difficult it was to respond with a forced smile before escaping from that situation. I didn’t share how, based on that comment, I began to wonder if I was letting down my living child by not yet providing her with a sibling.
At this point in my life, I feel as though I want another child, but that option seems less likely now. Yet, she didn’t need to hear all of that.
Still, it seems that some people need reminders about how these questions can affect others. Perhaps they come from a good place, or maybe they’re just casual small talk. However, such inquiries can create discomfort, frustration, and even real pain.
Instead, I reassured her that it’s perfectly fine if she chooses to have just one child. I shared that my own children are five years apart, and that age difference has had its benefits. I emphasized that whatever decision she makes will be the right one for her. Sometimes, we simply don’t have control over how these things unfold.
I encouraged her to trust that she would know when the right time comes, whether she decides to stick with one child or pursue another. What others say shouldn’t dictate her choices, nor should it reflect her worth as a mother or a woman.
Whether one child, none, or a whole bunch, we are all deserving as mothers and women. The number of children we have—or the quantity others think we should have—does not define our value.
So please, keep those questions and comments to yourself. The intricacies of every woman’s journey through motherhood are likely more complex than you realize.
For more insights on home insemination, check out this related blog post. If you’re exploring options for artificial insemination, this site is a great authority on the topic. Additionally, Hopkins Medicine provides excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
Here are some related queries you might be interested in:
- What to consider before having another baby
- How to manage age gaps between siblings
- Signs you’re ready for another child
- Understanding fertility and family planning
- Coping with pregnancy loss and moving forward
In summary, topics surrounding family planning can be deeply personal and complex. It’s essential to approach them with sensitivity and care, recognizing that every individual’s journey is unique.