I was a temperamental teenager, and I own it! But honestly, I can trace it back to those pesky puberty hormones coursing through my system.
As a child, before my body changed and my periods started, I remember waking up each day filled with joy. I couldn’t wait for school, couldn’t wait to don my favorite purple shirt, and I was thrilled at the prospect of sipping hot chocolate after class. Even the rain was exciting; I loved the sound it made. I was the epitome of a cheerful little girl, bouncing around with the energy of a kid who had just consumed a mountain of sugar. My teachers often spoke with my parents about how I was ‘too social’ and needed to keep my chatter to a minimum. My mom even devised a game called “How Long Can You Stay Quiet?” I never managed to last more than three minutes, even with a cash reward on the table.
Then came my pre-teens, and I distinctly recall sitting in band class one day, tears streaming down my face for no apparent reason. The excitement I once felt about the upcoming dance vanished, replaced by a pressing need for solitude and quiet.
Those emotional swings eventually subsided, and I returned to my bubbly self during my late teens. I thought I had escaped that moody phase—just a typical teenage ordeal, right? Wrong.
When I hit 40, the girl who cried in band class seemed like a mere shadow of the rage-filled woman I have become, capable of snapping at any moment.
It’s been nearly six years since I crossed that milestone, and let me tell you—these mood swings are relentless. One moment I’m calm, and the next, I feel like I could crush a piece of wood with my bare hands. I sometimes astonish myself with how quickly my mood can shift into a fierce “don’t mess with me” mode.
Just last week, I confided in a friend who shared that she and her husband have established a “safe word” for when those irrational feelings surge. A safe word! If you haven’t reached the perimenopausal stage yet, you might think this is absurd and that self-control should be attainable. But trust me, you won’t understand until you arrive here.
These mood fluctuations are real, and I’ve tried everything to manage them—sleep, exercise, cutting sugar, and even taking magnesium. Yet, there’s no universal remedy for everyone.
Navigating midlife mood swings sometimes feels like someone else has taken control of my brain with a remote. One moment, I feel perfectly fine, only to be hit with crippling anxiety a short while later, for reasons I can’t fathom.
And my body? It plays tricks on me too. I can be freezing cold with terrible circulation, yet moments later, I’m so overheated that I want to step outside in the nude, dreaming of a life where I’m never touched again.
Some days I feel ravenous, fantasizing about turkey legs and cheesecake, only to be struck by nausea, cramps, and an unexpected period for the second time in a month. One friend claims her libido has vanished, while another says hers is so intense that her husband can’t keep up—leading to frequent arguments.
Let’s not forget that this stage of life also brings along unwanted acne, wrinkles, and hair in places you never thought possible. It’s like being kicked when you’re already down. I think I’m doing okay until I catch a glimpse of my reflection and see acne spots and stray hairs sprouting on my jawline.
It’s as if my body is saying, “Now is the time to really mess with you by robbing you of sleep and gifting you with zits and facial hair while your hormones do the tango.”
You truly don’t understand irritability until you reach your 40s. Sure, there are perks to this stage, like not caring as much about others’ opinions and knowing which jeans fit best, but that doesn’t stop you from wanting to snatch that bag of chips from your partner’s hands and smash it over their head when they chew too loudly.
A simple clog in the sink can bring you to tears, and be prepared to lose sleep whether your mind is racing with thoughts or completely blank. Essentially, midlife is like experiencing intense PMS every other day. Even on days when I feel like my old self, there’s an underlying dread that the irritable version of me will rear her ugly head soon enough.
I wish there were a magical pill to ease this experience for anyone going through it. Until then, I suggest we all establish our own safe words, as it seems to be working for my friend.
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Summary:
Entering your 40s can bring unexpected irritability and mood swings that are often compared to a rollercoaster ride. Many women experience a range of emotions—from joy to rage—due to hormonal changes, making it difficult to manage daily life. While some strategies may help alleviate symptoms, like sleep and diet changes, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. Establishing a safe word with friends or partners may be a humorous way to cope during challenging moments.