Navigating conversations about disability can often feel daunting, especially when it comes to understanding the appropriate language to use. While some people may charge ahead with misconceptions, I strive to listen and learn about this important topic. Acknowledging my uncertainties allows me to grow, even if it can be uncomfortable at times. This discomfort shouldn’t deter us from striving to understand disability better and confronting our own implicit biases regarding ableism. I want to engage in meaningful dialogues with my children about individuals with disabilities and provide thoughtful responses to their questions. Thankfully, there are many advocates and individuals with disabilities who generously share their insights, leaving no room for excuses when it comes to learning and evolving our perspectives.
The first step for all of us is to become comfortable with the language that people prefer to use when describing themselves. Terms like “disabled” and “disability” often carry stigma. For too long, society has marginalized those who don’t fit into the conventional mold, including members of the LGBTQ+ community, those who are overweight, and people of color. As a queer individual, I have faced similar pushback regarding my identity, with some urging me to abandon the term because they find it negative. However, it is my truth and the word I use to connect with others who share similar experiences. Expecting marginalized groups to conform to make others comfortable is not how true allyship operates, and this principle applies equally to the term “disabled.”
As noted by The Inclusive Educator, using euphemisms for disability can minimize the discrimination faced by disabled individuals and their ongoing fight for accessibility. Emily Carter, a disability advocate and communications consultant, elaborates on this in her book Understanding Disability. She highlights that discomfort surrounding disability often leads to the use of terms like “special needs” or “differently abled,” which ultimately lack meaning since everyone has needs and varying abilities. Carter emphasizes that disabled individuals represent the largest minority group globally, accounting for 15 percent of the population. She provides guidance on fostering a more inclusive environment for disabled people.
Carter also emphasizes that allyship requires proactive engagement. Non-disabled parents can support the disability community by educating themselves about disability through the voices of those who live with it, and ensuring their children do the same.
It’s vital to recognize that children’s curiosity should be encouraged. Adults must respond positively to their questions about disabled individuals, avoiding responses that silence or shame. For example, if a child asks, “What’s wrong with him?” adults should gently reframe that inquiry. Carter suggests saying, “That person has a disability, which is just a part of who they are.” If you don’t have an answer to your child’s question, be honest and make a plan to learn together.
Samantha Green, a writer and mother, advises that adults should acknowledge children’s observations but also take cues from the disabled individuals around them. Many are open to discussing their experiences but don’t put them on the spot. Parents should avoid making disabled individuals feel invisible due to their own discomfort.
It’s also crucial to think about accessibility in the spaces we inhabit. Ask yourself and your child whether these spaces are inclusive for everyone. For instance, ramps should be available for those who cannot use stairs. If a location is only set up for one type of access, it raises questions about why it defaults to one that excludes others.
Green suggests reading You Can’t Invite a Fish to a Dance Party by Jessica Williams with your kids. The book illustrates how well-meaning friends can inadvertently exclude someone based on their assumptions.
Disabled individuals don’t require us to speak for them or validate their feelings. Instead, we should focus on listening, learning, and improving our actions. While discomfort may arise, true allyship demands that we confront it to create a more welcoming world for everyone. Carter reminds us that society often promotes discomfort with differences, making it crucial to actively challenge that mindset.
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In summary, it is essential to approach discussions around disability with respect and understanding. Embracing the appropriate language, fostering curiosity in children, and advocating for accessibility are all vital steps in creating a more inclusive society.