It had been a decade since I embraced sobriety when my partner, Mark, quietly had his last drink. It took me two weeks to realize he had switched to water at dinner instead of ordering his usual bourbon. When he finally told me he was ready to make a change, I was taken aback. That decision significantly strengthened our bond, allowing us to thrive as a couple without alcohol as a barrier.
Our Relationship with Alcohol
In the early days of our relationship, drinking was central to everything we did. We met for post-work cocktails, spent long evenings on the patio with beers, and shared countless dinners over glasses of wine. Our connection seemed dependent on alcohol; aside from that, we had little in common. We grew up in different cities, followed different faiths, and had contrasting tastes in music and entertainment. Our shared love for drinks held us together more than anything else.
After tying the knot, our drinking habits escalated into a nightly routine. Whether it was unwinding after a tough day or celebrating the weekend, it felt like there was always an excuse to drink. I began to notice my own struggles with alcohol, attending work frequently hungover and consuming beers multiple nights a week.
When I became pregnant, I abstained for nine months, yet soon after my son’s birth, I returned to drinking. After my second pregnancy, I decided to quit for good. I welcomed four children into my life, and I’ve remained sober throughout three of their lives, which is a source of pride for me.
The Turning Point
Mark’s drinking, while habitual, didn’t mirror my relationship with alcohol. He enjoyed a beer after work or a glass of wine while watching a movie, but he was often drinking alone. This dynamic led to tension in our relationship, as I began to resent his drinking. We started to live like strangers, only coexisting as roommates instead of partners. Our Saturday nights often ended in arguments, with me frustrated by his spending on alcohol and him irritated by my discontent.
There was no dramatic moment that prompted Mark to stop drinking; he simply decided it was time. Quietly, he committed to being the best version of himself for our family.
A New Chapter
As we approach two years of sobriety together, our relationship has markedly improved. Sure, we still have disagreements, but they’re much more constructive. We can now address real issues without alcohol clouding our judgment or exacerbating our tempers. Our family life has become more enriching, free from the shadows of hangovers, allowing us to invest our energy into activities we cherish.
I want to clarify that we don’t have an issue with others who drink; we have a drinking problem ourselves. We can happily host gatherings and serve drinks without feeling tempted. However, I worry about the potential impact of alcoholism on our children, given its prevalence in our family history.
I am incredibly grateful that we chose to prioritize our marriage over alcohol. I love Mark deeply, and I can genuinely say I love him even more in his sober state. We raise our glasses—well, mine filled with soda and his with an Irish coffee sans Bailey’s—and celebrate our journey towards a healthier relationship.
Further Reading
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