My eldest son recently had a frightening experience when he flipped his car just days before he was set to drive with friends. In our area, teens are prohibited from having passengers under 21 (except for siblings) until they’ve held their license for nine months. He told me he was heading to Subway for a sub, which I thought was harmless—he loves a good meatball sub, and after being cooped up during COVID-19, I figured a quick snack run was fine.
However, things took a turn when I received a call from him about 20 minutes later, stating he was at the Park and Ride a mile away, having flipped his car. Thankfully, he was unharmed and reassured me immediately, knowing how anxious I can be about his safety. When I arrived, three of his friends were with him; instead of grabbing food as he’d claimed, they had been joyriding, taking corners too quickly, and my son made the poor choice to show off.
The police arrived shortly after me, having been alerted by a bystander. My son was honest about the situation, admitting to having friends in the car. We were incredibly fortunate that no one was seriously hurt, but the consequences were severe. His license was suspended for allowing friends in the car, and I took away his driving privileges for an extended period. I even made him sell his car.
When neighbors asked about my son’s whereabouts, I kept the incident to myself. Family and friends would inquire how things were going, and I’d respond with, “Things are good.” To outsiders, it might seem like my son was just being rebellious, but the reality was more complex, especially when similar situations arose—like when he got suspended for smoking pot, or when my younger child decided to smear Nutella on a school locker, or when my daughter struggled with self-harm.
The Isolation of Parenting Teens
Parenting teens can feel incredibly isolating for two main reasons. First, as they hit adolescence, they often pull away from their parents. What once was a deep bond can quickly turn into a sense of repulsion, where anything you suggest is dismissed as stupid. Second, when they start making significant decisions—like speeding, breaking rules, or experimenting with substances—it’s not easy to share these struggles with other parents, especially those you’ve just met. Their experiences are personal, and it wouldn’t be fair to vent about them the way you might have during their toddler years.
The teenage years are filled with hidden challenges and secrets that must be kept to maintain their trust. You must present a calm and composed front when they approach you with serious issues; if you react too strongly, they might hesitate to confide in you again. On top of that, there’s the anxiety of how others perceive your child’s choices. You can tell yourself that other people’s opinions shouldn’t impact your parenting, but when your teen faces judgment about their future, aspirations, or mistakes, it hits hard.
At times, I look at my three children and want to connect, but I often feel like I’m slipping through my fingers. I crave conversations about their lives, their thoughts, and their worries, but they seem uninterested most of the time. The special bond we shared during their younger years—filled with tucking them in, soothing scrapes, and movie nights—feels lost.
Now, I’m a mom who understands the weight of these pivotal years and feels overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising them into the best adults they can be, all while keeping their personal struggles private and carrying the burden of worry alone. Many days, my home feels full, yet I often feel lonely. Still, I hold onto the hope that it gets better and that the effort will be worthwhile.
Resources and Further Reading
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- How to connect with your teenager
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In summary, parenting teens can be an isolating experience filled with challenges and worries that often remain unshared. The shift in the parent-child dynamic, coupled with the weight of their choices, creates a unique kind of loneliness. Yet, there’s hope that these years will lead to stronger relationships in the future.