Welcome to the Home Insemination Kit advice column, where our team of “experts” tackles all your questions about life, love, body image, friendships, parenting, and any other confusing topics you might encounter.
This week: What happens when your parents are deeply religious and disapprove of your choice not to raise your own children in the same faith? Do you have a question of your own?
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
I grew up in a devoutly religious family. We attended church several times a week, not just on Sundays. My parents led Bible studies and read devotionals daily. This was just a part of my childhood, but as an adult raising my own family, I now see their beliefs as quite extreme. My husband and I identify as agnostic and have decided not to raise our children in that environment. This decision has upset my parents, who have told me I’m dooming my kids to eternal damnation if they aren’t “saved.” They love their grandkids, but every time we’re together, they seem to push their religious views onto them. With Easter approaching, I’m dreading the inevitable comments about us not attending church and the dinner-table sermons about the “true” meaning of the holiday.
To consider your parents’ perspective (pun intended), it’s clear that their faith is profound, and they truly care about your family’s spiritual health. They might feel like they’re watching someone they love neglecting their own well-being, which is understandably concerning for them.
However, your spiritual journey and how you choose to raise your children is ultimately your decision. It’s time for an honest conversation with your well-meaning but misguided parents. Approach this discussion with gentleness rather than frustration. Acknowledge that you understand their intentions come from a place of love and concern. But, make it clear that their attempts to impose their beliefs are causing a rift, which is not what anyone wants, especially since they can be loving and attentive grandparents.
Express that while you respect their devotion, you feel that their faith isn’t the right path for your family. Their actions can still serve as a positive example for your kids, particularly their ability to love and accept your family despite differing beliefs.
If they ignore the conversation, you might need to set firm boundaries. Make it clear that while you want them involved in your family’s life, religious discussions need to be off the table. Explain that you are steadfast in your beliefs, and you expect them to respect that.
In the meantime, reassure your children that it’s normal for people to have different beliefs. You don’t want them to feel ashamed just because Grandma and Grandpa might express concern over their spiritual choices. If your parents typically use shame to communicate their beliefs, skip the heart-to-heart and go directly to establishing boundaries, because that approach is absolutely not acceptable.
For more insights on navigating such sensitive topics, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination or explore this article for additional perspectives. If you’re considering at-home options, Make a Mom is an authority on the subject.
Search Queries:
- How to deal with religious parents
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- Raising kids with different beliefs
In summary, while your parents’ faith comes from a place of love, it’s essential to establish boundaries to protect your family’s beliefs. Open communication, while respecting their devotion, can help bridge the gap.