When my teenage son expressed a desire to attend a New Year’s Eve gathering with his friends and girlfriend, I knew it wouldn’t be an easy decision. As a mother of a 17-year-old, there are countless rules and boundaries to consider, but the pandemic made it somewhat easier to decline. Naturally, I became the “bad guy,” especially since other parents were more lenient, eager to let their kids “have some fun” after such a tough year.
I get it; it’s been challenging for everyone involved. But when another friend of my son turned 18 and his parents booked a hotel for him and his friends to celebrate, I found myself in the thick of it once again after saying “no.” The other moms were on the phone, my son was upset, and his friends bombarded me with texts insisting everything would be fine.
When my son developed a scratchy throat and runny nose before Christmas, I was the one who noticed and took him for testing. When my kids expressed a desire to return to school after half a year of remote learning, it was me they turned to for support.
Most recently, I lost my patience when my daughter was invited to a sleepover, and I had to decline. I felt guilty — these kids have endured a lot — but I knew a slumber party could easily turn into a super spreader event, especially among teenagers. I recalled all the sneaking around that happens at that age. Plus, I worried that any parent willing to host a sleepover might not be taking COVID precautions seriously.
While my daughter seemed to understand, the day of the party arrived, and the father of the host called me — while I was trying to work — to discuss my decision. He argued for ten minutes, assuring me that they were taking everything seriously and pleaded for me to reconsider.
He didn’t reach out to my ex-husband; once again, it was my responsibility to prioritize our family’s health and face the backlash. It’s no secret that moms often take on these roles, even without a pandemic. I’ve always been the one to recognize when my kids need a doctor’s visit. I handle appointments, social arrangements, and the never-ending grocery runs.
Last year, each decision felt like a matter of life or death, and as mothers, we’ve been tasked with navigating these choices alone. This has been an exhausting year, leaving us feeling like we can’t win. The weight of these responsibilities is considerable, and it’s unfair for one person to shoulder it all.
I’ve heard partners say it’s because we are “better at it,” but that’s simply not true. The constant worry — whether to deny our kids’ requests, how risky it is to take them to the doctor for non-COVID issues, or whether a trip to the store is worth the potential exposure — is overwhelming. When these tough calls fall on us, it can feel like we’re seen as fun-sponges, leaving us sleepless as we try to sort through everything.
And yet, this exhaustion is something I’ve never experienced before.
If you’re interested in exploring more about family planning and home insemination, check out our other blog post here. For those looking for guidance on artificial insemination, Make a Mom is a great resource. Additionally, the ASRM offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.