It was on your older brother Noah’s 7th birthday that your dad and I discovered you were on the way. We had longed for this moment, and our anticipation to welcome you into our family was overwhelming. The instant we learned about you, our hearts were filled with love, and we began envisioning our new family of six. You were the piece we didn’t know we were missing, completing our little puzzle. The day we saw your tiny heart beating on the ultrasound was phenomenal—a moment etched in my memory. Seeing you thriving brought me immense joy and heightened my eagerness to finally hold you in my arms.
One of the most unforgettable days was when we shared the news of your impending arrival with your three older siblings! Noah and Lily squealed with delight, jumping for joy, while Lily was so moved that she shed tears of happiness. Your sister Mia was excited too, though she was a bit puzzled by all the commotion. From that day forward, Lily expressed her gratitude to God and us every single day for bringing you into our lives. Every moment they spent kissing my belly and talking to you was precious. Their love for you eased the anxieties your dad and I had, confirming that everything was perfect.
Listening to your heartbeat with our Doppler became a cherished nightly ritual. We gathered as a family, captivated by the sound, sharing our dreams and hopes for you. The love we felt for you was profound, even before we had the chance to see your beautiful face. However, when one night we couldn’t find your heartbeat, it sent me into a whirlwind of worry. I stayed awake praying for your safety and well-being.
The next day, when I saw your tiny body on the ultrasound screen, my heart shattered. The realization that I would never hold you, kiss the top of your head, or see you reach all those milestones broke me. I ached for the chance to see you grow up—play with your siblings, go to school, and ultimately start your own family. It was the absolute worst day of my life, and telling your siblings was heartbreaking. They felt the pain deeply, and I could sense their sorrow through their tears and questions. Your dad did an incredible job comforting them, explaining that you would always be our special angel in Heaven.
Mother’s Day, just two days later, was bittersweet. It marked the last day I would carry you. Though I never got to meet you, my love for you is as strong as it is for your siblings here on Earth. On that day, we captured some family photos that have become incredibly meaningful to me. One photo, in particular, is engraved in my heart, and I wear it on a necklace with your name.
The days following were a blur of grief. Losing you was devastating, but your memorial service allowed us to honor your brief life in a beautiful way. I hope you felt the love in the letters and drawings your siblings sent to Heaven, each balloon carrying their messages of love and remembrance.
Your siblings miss you dearly and often mention you in their prayers. They have found their own ways to connect with you, like telling stories when it storms, believing you are washing your hands in Heaven. They have shown me resilience and strength through this experience, and their love for you continues to teach me.
In the weeks that followed, I found myself engulfed in darkness. All I wanted was to have you back. It was difficult to focus on caring for your siblings or even moving forward with my life. I didn’t want to do any of it—I had lost my baby. While many shy away from discussing such losses, I want you to know that I openly share your story. You will always be a part of our family.
Gradually, I began to find glimpses of good amidst the sorrow. The support from our community was astounding; your grandmother stepped in to help without hesitation. Friends like Emma and Sarah were there for me every day, capturing beautiful moments for us to cherish. The love from our doctor and the compassionate staff at the hospital was a source of comfort during those tough times. We received countless messages, cards, and flowers from family and friends, including those who had walked a similar path. This showed me that your life, though brief, was significant to many.
I will forever be changed by losing you, but I am also grateful for what your life has brought into mine. I’m thankful for the fleeting time I had to carry you and for the joy on your siblings’ faces when they learned about you. Losing you has deepened the bond between your dad and me and highlighted the strength of our family. I have learned to appreciate life’s little moments and to lean on others for support. My faith has been strengthened, reminding me to trust in God even when the reasons remain unclear. Through you, I have come to understand the unbreakable bond between a mother and her children from the very beginning.
I will always remember these lessons and the love I hold for you, Emma. I love you so much, and I look forward to the day I can hold you in my arms again.
Love,
Mommy
For more on this topic, you might find our post on pregnancy and loss insightful here. Additionally, if you’re looking for reputable at-home insemination kits, check out Make a Mom. For further reading on fertility, Science Daily offers a wealth of resources.
Summary:
This heartfelt letter captures the journey of anticipation, joy, and heartbreaking loss experienced by a mother when she discovers her baby is on the way, only to face the tragedy of losing her. It highlights the strength of family, the outpouring of community support, and the enduring love that transcends time and life.
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