On the very first day of shelter-in-place, my son nursed non-stop. He was 22 months old, and I thought, oh no. I had initially aimed to breastfeed for a year, maybe 18 months at most. This plan was influenced by the upcoming release of a book I co-wrote in mid-2020, which meant I would be touring without my son for several days at a time. Additionally, breastfeeding required a lot of commitment, and I wanted to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
However, when he hit the one-year mark, it was clear he wasn’t ready to stop, and to my surprise, I wasn’t either. By then, he was eating solid foods, so nursing wasn’t an all-day affair. Yet, my perspective on breastfeeding transformed as I engaged in it day after day. Rather than viewing it as an obligation that limited my freedom, it became an empowering act that connected us; I was creating nourishment with my own body, a bold reproductive choice that challenged societal norms.
Despite this, by 22 months, I found myself longing for a break. I dreamt of indulging in my long-expired edibles and sleeping in without interruption from my son’s early morning wake-up calls. A couple of months before the lockdown began, I had started to gently wean him. One morning, he even forgot to ask for milk, which stirred a whirlwind of emotions in me. I excitedly informed a friend, “I think he’s starting to wean himself!” to which she replied, “Congratudolences!”
Then the pandemic struck. My son’s regular routine—two days at daycare and three days with my parents—was upended. He was home full-time with me, and all he wanted to do was nurse. That first week, he was overjoyed.
“Want to play with blocks?”
“No! I wanna nurse!”
“How about a bath?”
“Bath is silly! Nursing, nursing!”
“Maybe… let’s look out the window?”
“I don’t like windows! Nuuuurrrrssse!!!”
In the following months, he reverted to old habits—nursing for comfort, rest, and solace. Our constant togetherness likely played a role, compounded by the lack of appealing alternatives during those early weeks of uncertainty about what was safe to do.
I felt a mix of despair and gratitude. I knew there were many benefits to breastfeeding a toddler, and I was fortunate to have that choice. I had read that children often wean themselves between ages two and four, and I knew many strong parents who nursed for years. But how could I embark on the book tour I had eagerly anticipated? How could I accomplish anything while working from home with a child constantly attached to me? And those edibles! When would I finally have the chance to enjoy them?
But my reasons for weaning slowly faded. It became clear that my 2020 book tour would be virtual. I figured out how to create a workspace away from my son, so he wouldn’t associate my presence with “mama milk.” Eventually, I even mastered the art of saying, “You can’t nurse now, but you can nurse later!” in a cheerful tone that encouraged him to wait a couple of hours. The allure of edibles didn’t seem enough to justify cutting him off, especially since nursing released its own feel-good chemicals. Did I really want to trade all that sweet oxytocin for THC?
Breastfeeding also proved to be a useful tool during the lockdown. It became a source of comfort, a way to prepare for naps, and a means for me to sneak in a breather while he nursed. Nursing was more than just a chore; it became a practical strategy for survival during the pandemic.
As I accepted that nursing might last longer than I had originally planned, my anxieties about weaning melted away. With no book tour or work commitments, there was no rush to stop, as long as we both agreed to continue. On my non-working days, I began to look forward to his requests to nurse. In a chaotic world, those moments became precious downtime. It’s hard to get up while nursing, so I allowed myself to relax. Eventually, I even stopped checking my phone so often during our sessions.
Breastfeeding has taught me a valuable lesson in patience. It’s not that nursing is idle; it requires hard work as my body transforms into a source of nourishment. But the labor is often found in the waiting.
This lesson extends to parenting as a whole. Many crucial aspects of parenting—like ensuring a toddler doesn’t choke on a blueberry or keeping an eye on them at the beach—can look like idleness to outside observers, but they are essential parts of the job.
During the pandemic, the ability to wait has become increasingly important for all of us, regardless of parental status. While there’s no comparison between the anxious wait for COVID numbers to drop or for a vaccine to be available and the relatively low-stakes wait for a toddler to finish nursing, the skill is still relevant. I’ve always struggled with the practice of pausing and accepting stillness, but my son’s ongoing nursing has provided daily lessons in the art of waiting.
Now, more than a year after I abandoned my weaning efforts, my child’s third birthday looms. Should I set a cutoff date? Will he naturally lose interest when he starts preschool, or will waiting and stillness remain central to our lives? I have no answers. For now, I’ll take a page from the past year and remember that not everything can be planned. I’ll let these questions simmer, breathe out, and see where the waiting leads us.
If you’re interested in exploring unconventional family-building options, check out this post about unique weddings. For more information on home insemination and fertility journeys, visit Make a Mom, a trusted resource in the field. Additionally, News Medical offers excellent insights on pregnancy and home insemination.
Probable Search Queries:
- breastfeeding during the pandemic
- toddler nursing habits
- how to wean a toddler
- importance of breastfeeding
- nursing and parenting challenges
Summary:
The author shares her unexpected journey through breastfeeding her son during the pandemic, initially planning to wean him before he turned two. With the lockdown disrupting routines, nursing became a source of comfort and connection, transforming her perspective on breastfeeding. As she embraced the idea of waiting and adapting to changing circumstances, she learned valuable lessons about patience and the importance of nurturing in a chaotic world.