From The Confessional: Breastfeeding Can Be Tough, And Your Judgment Is Unacceptable

During my first pregnancy, I had a clear vision of how things would unfold. I imagined being the fun mom, effortlessly popping my baby into a carrier while enjoying coffee shops and festivals alongside my partner. I envisioned frequent trips to the gym and a seamless breastfeeding experience. I thought I had motherhood all figured out.

Oh, how wrong I was. None of that came to fruition. We barely ventured out, as the stress became overwhelming. I didn’t hit the gym for years, and breastfeeding proved to be a grueling challenge. It was painful, my baby struggled to latch, and I found myself in tears daily for the first six weeks.

Looking back, I’m grateful that I persevered. Eventually, my baby and I figured it out, and I breastfed my other two children without much difficulty. However, that initial struggle instilled in me a deep empathy for all mothers—whether they breastfeed or not. I now firmly believe in the “fed is best” philosophy, as no mother should feel obligated to breastfeed or owe anyone an explanation about how she nourishes her child.

While breastfeeding ultimately became a positive experience for me (my favorite part being that it was free), many women face significant challenges. It can be painful, exhausting, and has lasting effects on our mental health and bodies.

Breastfeeding is not a trivial matter, and all mothers—regardless of their feeding choices—deserve support, not judgment.

Shared Struggles

Many mothers openly share their struggles with breastfeeding:

Confession #25757052: “Breastfeeding my third child hurts so badly that I often scream and cry in pain. I never had problems with the other two, and this is distressing.”
Confession #25801594: “Breastfeeding hurts like the frickin’ dickens. I wanted to go for a year, but after three and a half months, I just want my boobs to be LEFT ALONE!”
Confession #21323358: “I constantly battle clogged ducts while being pump-dependent. Yes, I’ve tried everything and I’m exhausted.”

The most frustrating comment I received during my breastfeeding struggles was, “If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong.” No, it hurts because a tiny child is gnawing on me all day and night. Let’s be honest: breastfeeding can be painful, even when done “right.”

Breastfeeding changes our bodies permanently. After having two kids and breastfeeding for a total of 30 months, I can literally feel my breasts melting in my hands at just 27.

Body Changes

Some mothers experience significant changes in their bodies post-breastfeeding:

Confession #25753591: “I wear silicone inserts because after birthing and breastfeeding three kids, my breasts are nonexistent. It’s embarrassing.”
Confession #25747789: “Breastfeeding has made me less aroused, and I’m too embarrassed to discuss needing lube with my partner.”

The reality is that breastfeeding affects our bodies in ways we often don’t anticipate. Our breasts may never return to their original form, and dryness can become an issue. But honestly, amidst all the exhaustion, we sometimes don’t even care.

Guilt and Mental Health

Many moms feel guilty about wanting to stop breastfeeding, especially when they compare their experiences to those of others:

Confession #25752909: “I want to stop breastfeeding my 9-month-old son but feel guilty. He’s my second and last baby, and part of me thinks he deserves as long as his sister had.”
Confession #25748968: “I gave up breastfeeding a week after my daughter was born. My mental health matters too!”

Breastfeeding can contribute to postpartum depression and anxiety, and prioritizing a mother’s well-being is essential—even if that means stopping breastfeeding. Support and resources should be available to moms throughout their entire feeding journey, and they shouldn’t feel guilty when they choose to stop.

Moms are overwhelmingly tired—not just those who breastfeed. Letting your baby use your body for nourishment can elevate a mother’s exhaustion to another level:

Confession #25319093: “I’m mentally and physically drained from tandem feeding my 3-year-old and 1-year-old. I used to judge my dog for being snappy with her puppies, but now I understand!”

Breastfeeding misinformation can be infuriating. Yes, you can have a glass of wine! Yes, you can eat what you want! Support for breastfeeding should be stronger and more accessible.

If you’re struggling with breastfeeding, know that you’re not alone. Seek support, and remember that your health matters. Whether you choose to breastfeed or not, as long as you love your baby and ensure they’re fed, you are doing great.

Core Beliefs

After nearly 13 years of motherhood, I hold two beliefs above all else:

Fed is best.
Mom’s health matters.

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In summary, the breastfeeding journey can be incredibly challenging, and it’s essential to support mothers regardless of how they choose to feed their babies. The experiences shared demonstrate the need for empathy and understanding among all parents.