With the pandemic keeping me at home with my children almost around the clock for nearly a year, I often find myself hearing “mom” around 288 times daily. There’s always a child in my personal space, and by the end of the day, my ears ring from the constant buzz of activity. I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, and at my wit’s end. Yet every night, I make it a point to kiss all four of my kids goodnight. Honestly, it’s as much for me as it is for them.
I’ve never claimed to be the ideal mother. I openly acknowledge that I lose my temper with my kids more often than I’d like to admit. Balancing being home constantly, working remotely, managing virtual school, cooking countless meals, and trying to maintain some semblance of order has been incredibly tough. My patience wears thin, and I’ve had my share of meltdowns. Truthfully, I often count down the minutes until bedtime.
When the time comes to tuck my kids in, I might feel drained, but I view bedtime as my moment to hit the reset button on the day’s chaos. It’s my opportunity to convey, “no matter what, my love for you remains.” It’s a moment to focus solely on them, which can be hard to find amidst daily distractions.
When I can be fully present, bedtime becomes one of my favorite parts of the day. The house is quiet, devices are put away, and each child gets a moment of my undivided attention. Whether it’s giving back rubs, reading stories, or listening to their latest favorite song, those moments often lead to the most meaningful conversations. I’m amazed at how they spontaneously share their thoughts without me having to pry it out of them.
Each of my children is at a different stage in life, making bedtime special for unique reasons. My youngest, my last baby, fills my heart with snuggles and sweet “I love yous.” Bedtime with my daughter becomes our special time together, where we dive into princess stories and discuss topics she might shy away from in front of her brothers. While my tween and teen don’t need help getting ready for bed, they still crave that connection. My tween is straddling the line between wanting cuddles and being too cool for them, while my teenager, often annoyed at my existence, surprisingly reciprocates my affection during our nightly chats.
Of course, there are nights when I’m completely worn out and just want the day to end after my kids have been testing my patience since morning. Some days, I struggle to keep my cool, especially when one child does that last flip on the bed, pushing me to my limits.
Regardless of how many times I lose my temper or tell them to give me space, bedtime allows me to express my love. I want my kids to understand that I love them even when I’m angry or frustrated. Even if they’re upset with me or reluctant to share a kiss, I’ll be there to remind them of my unwavering love.
There are nights I go to bed regretting my choices, replaying my actions throughout the day and critiquing my parenting. I have to remind myself that I’m not striving for perfection. The reason those goodnight kisses mean so much to me is that they remind me I’m doing my best, even on the hard days. No matter what happened, taking the time to kiss my kids goodnight gives me a sense of accomplishment as a mother.
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In summary, cherishing those bedtime moments with my kids is crucial for my sense of motherhood. Despite the daily challenges and frustrations, those goodnight kisses serve as a reminder of my love for them.