Sex has never been a point of friction in my relationship with my husband, Jake. Unlike many couples I hear about, where partners struggle with different libidos, our desire for intimacy has been well-matched for nearly two decades. We’re both eager for romance almost every day, and that’s simply our rhythm. However, things changed when I started breastfeeding.
With three kids under my belt, I can say that breastfeeding completely zaps my sex drive. My libido disappears, and it’s like my body shuts down when it comes to intimacy. It’s incredibly frustrating, as it not only diminishes my desire to be intimate but also makes achieving pleasure nearly impossible. Even when Jake puts in the effort to set the mood, it can take ages for me to feel anything, and the result is often underwhelming.
Fortunately, I’m lucky to have a supportive partner who understands. He doesn’t complain about the situation because he realizes that when I’m nursing, my body is simply working overtime in a different way. With kids constantly needing me, I often feel completely touched out. The last thing I want during those rare moments of freedom is for someone to want to get physical.
Luckily, as each of my children reaches their first birthday, my body begins to return to normal. This isn’t just wishful thinking; it’s a real phenomenon. Each time, once my kids wean down to just a few nursing sessions a day, something shifts within me. My youngest just turned one a couple of months ago, and I’m finally feeling like myself again!
Just recently, as Jake was getting ready for work, I was jolted awake by the sight of him fresh out of the shower. I felt an immediate spark, but the clock was against us. Frustrated, I buried my head in the pillow. But I couldn’t shake the thought of him all morning. During his lunch break, I texted him something a little spicy, and when he came home, I made sure the kids were occupied. Let’s just say I had never seen him undress so quickly. For the first time in over a year, my body responded to him like it used to, and it was glorious!
This experience was a huge relief. As I’m now in my late thirties, I had begun to worry that my body might never bounce back. Thankfully, I was wrong. Since that day, I’ve been taking advantage of those moments to reconnect with Jake. I’ve even managed to get a little frisky before sunrise—something I never thought I’d do!
Rekindling intimacy has brought me back to myself. I feel less irritable, and my anxiety has eased a bit. It’s amazing how the endorphins from intimacy can change your perspective. I’ve learned to embrace the journey my body has taken, recognizing the strength it took to create life. There’s nothing wrong with preferring a nap over a romp when you’re exhausted from sleepless nights with a newborn.
For those struggling with feeling sexy after having a baby, don’t despair. There will come a time when you find yourself rediscovering that passion, even if the soundtrack to your newfound intimacy is a children’s song blaring in the background. Trust me, you’ll get there!
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In summary, while breastfeeding can significantly impact a woman’s libido and sexual satisfaction, it’s important to remember that this phase is temporary. With patience and support, many couples find their way back to intimacy, even amidst the challenges of parenthood.