As a young girl navigating puberty without maternal guidance, I vividly recall my lack of knowledge and preparation. One day at school, I unexpectedly started my period and found myself panicking upon seeing blood. Although I recognized what was happening, the shock was overwhelming—I was the first among my friends to experience this change, and it had never crossed my mind that it could happen to me so soon.
I approached my teacher, trembling, and blurted out, “I think I just started my period.” The memory of that moment still makes me cringe. Thankfully, the school nurse was supportive and helped me get the supplies I needed. My dad, eager to assist, took me shopping for menstrual products and arranged for me to visit a gynecologist shortly after. While his intentions were commendable, I realized that I wanted to provide my daughter with a much more informed and supportive transition into puberty than I had.
Initially, I gathered books to guide her through the physical and emotional changes she would face. For her younger years, we read “Growing Up Great!” by Sarah Johnson, which I found to be a good fit. However, as she approached her pre-teen years, I felt it was time to delve deeper into the subject and decided to buy the much-discussed book “The Care and Keeping of You” by Valorie Schaefer.
Before sharing it with my daughter, I took the time to read it myself, and I was taken aback by several aspects. One major concern was how the book presented crushes on boys as if they were a universal experience for all girls. While I had crushes from a young age, my daughter does not seem to share that inclination yet, and I am uneasy with a book suggesting she should.
Moreover, it failed to acknowledge the spectrum of sexual identities and attractions. The narrative was wholly heteronormative, ignoring the reality that not all young girls will develop crushes on boys or may have different experiences altogether.
Another troubling element was the book’s treatment of body image. It seemed to assume that all girls would struggle with body dissatisfaction, which was particularly concerning for me as someone who dealt with an eating disorder in my youth. I have worked diligently to instill body positivity in my daughter, and I do not want to present her with a book that normalizes negative body image.
Overall, I found “The Care and Keeping of You” to be outdated, reinforcing stereotypes and lacking inclusivity. After doing some research and speaking with sex educators, I discovered “Celebrate Your Body” by Sonya Renee Taylor. This book, which has become a bestseller, offers comprehensive information without the negative undertones and assumptions present in Schaefer’s work. It emphasizes healthy self-care rather than weight management and discusses friendships and romantic feelings in a more inclusive way.
The reality is that “The Care and Keeping of You” hasn’t evolved to reflect current understanding and conversations about puberty and identity. Many parents continue to purchase it out of habit, but it’s time to seek better resources. Equip your daughters with knowledge that empowers them and allows for their unique experiences. Remember to engage with them as they read and discuss any questions they may have.
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