Parenting
Age isn’t merely a number; it comes with societal expectations and milestones that often feel overwhelming. What happens if your child isn’t walking or talking by their first birthday? OMG, they’re ten! Double digits! Happy Sweet Sixteen! Celebrate with a lavish party and a driver’s license. Congratulations on turning 18; you’re now an adult and can vote. Enjoy drinking legally and spending your cash at casinos with your freshly minted 21 ID. And then there’s the big 4-0? Suddenly, life is all about your kids, and it seems like the downhill slide begins—time to slap a bumper sticker on yourself that says, “Honk if parts fall off.”
We need to rewrite this narrative. The journey to 40 can look vastly different from this script, and for many, life truly begins at 40.
As I approach 42, I won’t pretend that I don’t sometimes feel like I’ve missed the boat or let myself down because I haven’t ticked off certain life goals. It’s not just fleeting regret; I’ve experienced full-on panic attacks, convinced that life has sped past me and that I’m too old to achieve everything I dream of. I haven’t written that book. I haven’t pursued my master’s degree. I haven’t traveled to Europe. I can’t execute a muscle-up in CrossFit or hold a handstand in yoga.
Yet.
The panic dissipates when I remember the power of the word “yet.” It’s not merely age that has held me back; it’s been a lack of opportunity and clarity about what I truly wanted. And let’s be honest, I’ve been busy with all the other facets of life. Turning 40 doesn’t signal an end to adventure.
I also take time to reflect on all that I’ve accomplished and learned later in life. Growing older brings valuable experiences and insights about who we truly are and what we need. I was nearing 40 when I embraced sobriety. I underwent gender-affirming top surgery at 40 after coming out as nonbinary a couple of years prior. Compared to younger transgender individuals undergoing similar surgeries, I was considered an old-timer. I’m divorced and starting a new relationship, navigating the unknown of long-distance love, but we found each other at the right time—when I was 40.
Just because you haven’t checked every box on your to-do list or vision board doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t. You can still get pregnant, go through a divorce, start dating, or remarry. You can come out of the closet, wear clothes that affirm your gender, move to a new place, or launch a business or passion project. You can switch careers, return to school, write that book, or become a foster parent. Don’t be a bystander in your own life. While some aspects may be beyond our control, countless opportunities are still within reach. Even if grand adventures aren’t on your radar, the small joys matter too.
Our curiosity doesn’t diminish with age; you’re never too old to try something new, whether it’s something you’ve always wanted to do or something that just piques your interest now. You can learn to drive, swim, ride a bike, ski, skate, or master yoga inversions. You can cook, scuba dive, pole dance, garden, change your car’s oil, or handle your taxes. You can travel, take a stand-up comedy class, or run a marathon.
We can also grant ourselves the permission to feel youthful, beautiful, and vibrant. Aging brings changes to our bodies, but it doesn’t mean we’re falling apart or losing our allure. At almost 42, I understand my body far better than I did a decade ago, making exercise, intimacy, and daily life more fulfilling. My body has experienced its share of challenges, but age has helped me discover the best ways to cherish and utilize it. While society often pressures women to conform to unrealistic beauty standards—hello, anti-wrinkle creams, hair dye, and dubious metabolism boosters—forget that noise. Invest in what brings you joy rather than chasing an unattainable ideal. Enjoy your meals, wear comfortable clothes, and proudly flaunt those laugh lines.
So many experiences await us after 40, often with a depth and enjoyment that surpasses our youth. Let’s stop caring so much about age and dismiss the stigmas that suggest we can’t thrive after 40. My list of desired experiences is extensive, and it’s easy to feel behind schedule. However, when I remove comparisons from the equation, I focus less on where I think I should be based on age. I’m either right where I need to be, or I’m just not there yet, and I refuse to let another year slow me down.
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In summary, turning 40 is not the end; it’s a new beginning filled with possibilities. We can redefine our paths, embrace new experiences, and pursue our passions with vigor. Age is just a number, and it’s time to live our best lives regardless of societal expectations.