As we approach Valentine’s Day, it’s important to acknowledge that this holiday can be especially difficult for children who are grieving. After losing her husband, a mother named Sarah recounts her first Valentine’s Day without him. Although she wasn’t a fan of the holiday, her children craved the comfort of tradition, longing for teddy bears, heart-shaped chocolates, and cards to share with their classmates.
This year, as we near the end of a challenging pandemic, countless families are navigating their first holiday without a loved one. With over 400,000 lives lost to COVID-19, many children and young adults are facing grief during what is typically a joyful time.
We reached out to Linda Carter, a seasoned clinical social worker and author, for insight on how to support grieving kids this Valentine’s Day.
Understanding Kids’ Grief
Grief varies from person to person, and children often experience what Linda refers to as “grief bursts.” They may feel intense emotions but can quickly return to their daily activities. It’s essential for adults to remain present for the children in their lives, ensuring they have the support they need. Adults should also seek their own support to remain steady for those they care for.
Empower Kids in Grieving
For children facing their first Valentine’s Day without a parent or grandparent, it’s vital to let them take charge of how they want to remember their loved one. Linda suggests involving them in creating meaningful activities—like making art, writing letters, or baking a cake—to honor their memory. The process can be more valuable than the end result, promoting connection and reflection.
Avoiding Expectations
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and each person’s journey is unique. On Valentine’s Day, families should feel free to embrace the day, skip it altogether, or create a special ritual that feels authentic to them. The key is to approach the day with intention and kindness.
Ongoing Conversations About Death
As children grow, they may have new questions about the death of their loved one. Adults should create opportunities for these discussions, as children often grapple with feelings of confusion or guilt. Addressing these emotions can take time, and it’s crucial to provide a safe space for kids to express themselves.
Sharing Memories
People often shy away from discussing loss, but doing so can help grieving individuals feel less isolated. Instead of avoiding the topic, encourage sharing stories and memories of the person who has died. This helps reinforce the idea that they are not alone in their grief.
This Valentine’s Day, amidst the challenges posed by the pandemic, Sarah and her kids are still working on establishing their own rituals. They plan to share stories and keep their father’s memory alive, reminding themselves that their grief reflects the love they continue to hold.
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In summary, Valentine’s Day can be a challenging time for children who are grieving a loved one. It’s essential to support them in their grief journey, allow them to express their feelings, and create meaningful ways to remember those they’ve lost.