Parenting
You May Not Recall, But I Will
by Sarah Thompson
Updated: Aug. 17, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 17, 2021
“When your brother arrives, he won’t remember life as an only child,” everyone says when I begin to feel that pang of guilt for ending your solo journey. “To him, this will always be what life is.”
While I know they’re right, their reassurances provide little comfort during those quiet moments when guilt washes over me like a tidal wave. It’s not just the end of your only-child era that weighs heavy on my heart, but the realization that you won’t remember those precious moments we shared before your brother came along—a time I hold so dear.
It’s true: you won’t recall those early days when we were figuring out how to be a duo. I still remember that first day when Dad left for work, and I was left with you, so small and new. I sobbed, wondering how I would make it through those long, lonely hours without him.
You won’t remember how, over time, we found our rhythm. We built a life filled with stroller walks, picnics in the park, visits to the aquarium, and playdates with new friends. You won’t recall the afternoons we spent in our pajamas, devouring pancakes while snuggling on the couch watching Curious George, blissfully unaware of the outside world.
You won’t remember how spoiled you were—our first baby, the first grandchild for Nani and Grandpa, the first to smile, crawl, and walk. We cheered for every little milestone, capturing your gummy smiles in a million photos. You won’t remember that for 17 months, all those clothes, books, and toys belonged solely to you, without the need to share.
You were the one who transformed me into a mother, gifting me the most rewarding and fulfilling role imaginable. The moment you entered my world, red-faced and wrinkly, gasping for that first breath, my heart swelled with an overwhelming love I never knew existed.
Fortunately, you won’t remember the steep learning curve of motherhood and the countless times I stumbled along the way. Like the day I forgot to pack an extra outfit, leaving you to ride home in just a diaper with snow still blanketing the ground. Or when I completely overlooked your special swim class with Dad on the last day you were an only child. There were many instances when I lost my patience or prioritized the wrong things, but thankfully, your lack of early memories will blur those moments away.
You won’t recall anything from those 18 months before your brother came along—the days when it was just you and me, when our time together was uninterrupted. You will grow up unaware of the jealousy that could have arisen from sharing our attention, but that’s the beauty of it. Our family plan was intentional, even if guilt sometimes clouds my judgment.
No, you won’t remember those early days, but that’s where I come in. I’ll hold onto every moment for both of us. I’ll cherish the memories that shape our story as a family of four.
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In summary, even though you won’t remember the early days of our journey together, I will hold onto those memories to keep our family’s story alive.
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