A few nights ago, my partner suggested we grab some ice cream. I’ve learned to prepare myself for this moment. He really savors his dessert, and apparently, he believes that smacking his lips makes it taste even better. Honestly, it drives me up the wall.
He can fall asleep in an instant, even when we’re not on the best of terms. Once, during a heated argument, he dozed off on the sofa while I was still expressing my feelings. In my frustration, I “accidentally” bumped a chair into the kitchen island while storming past him.
He talks a lot about fitness and healthy eating, but he doesn’t seem to carry that enthusiasm into action. He changes his mind about plans without hesitation and doesn’t feel the need to explain himself when he cancels.
He snores and refuses to blow his nose, opting instead to snarf and swallow, which is just unpleasant. While he’s picky about food, he could happily eat chicken tenders and subs indefinitely. If I suggest something new or fancy, he’s nearly impossible to convince that he might enjoy it.
Post-argument, he acts as if nothing happened. I can’t count how many times he’s greeted me with, “Hey love! How’s your day?” while I’m still simmering with anger. The audacity!
He tends to forget things, and while he enjoys treating me to dinner and opening car doors, he relaxes while I scramble to tackle household chores like shoveling and changing light bulbs. I often feel a sense of urgency about everything; if I don’t do it now, it feels like the world might collapse. He thinks most things can wait.
It may sound like I’m just venting (okay, maybe the lip-smacking is a legit complaint), but I’ve come to realize that the irritations I used to have with my ex-husband are resurfacing in this new relationship. Why? Because these are my issues, my annoyances that I haven’t fully addressed.
I’ve learned that just because I feel the need to stick to my commitments, it doesn’t mean my partner has to. This revelation has shown me that I tend to view everything as urgent, which can add stress to my family, who might need a moment to recuperate after a long day before tackling chores.
It’s okay if someone forgets something; life goes on. As a single mother, I’ve taken on the role of remembering everything, even in my previous marriage. I never realized that forgetting something doesn’t spell disaster.
No past partner has ever complained about my soda sipping noises, my obsessive cleaning habits, or my early morning Taylor Swift workouts. Yet, I’ve projected my high-strung nature onto them, causing unnecessary tension.
This isn’t a groundbreaking realization; I’ve heard that if we’re hard on ourselves, we tend to be hard on others. After my divorce and embarking on this new relationship, I aimed to avoid repeating past mistakes. This required self-reflection and a commitment to growth.
Ironically, my ex-husband was the one who highlighted this for me. One day, while I was dropping off the kids, he came to my car window with groceries for sushi. I couldn’t help but point out that he never cooked when we were together, and he replied, “I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made with you.”
We both let too many things bother us in our marriage. While we can’t rewind, we can learn from our experiences and strive to avoid the same pitfalls in our new relationships. Our partners will inevitably exhibit behaviors that irritate us, but when the same issues keep surfacing, it’s crucial to examine why and take responsibility for our own growth.
However, I firmly believe that telling someone to chew quietly is always fair game.
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In summary, the frustrations from my previous marriage are resurfacing in my new relationship, revealing my unresolved issues. Recognizing these patterns is essential for personal growth and fostering a healthier connection with my partner.