This past week had me doubting my parenting abilities. My daughter logged into her virtual classes with a hairdo so tangled that it could only be partially hidden from the camera. Meanwhile, my son had his routine check-up, where the pediatrician informed me he had slipped off his growth chart and then proceeded to question me about his diet, highlighting where he was indulging in too many processed snacks and not enough fresh fruits and vegetables. I opened my mouth to offer an explanation, then thought better of it. The reality was that his nutrition—or lack thereof—was ultimately my responsibility.
That evening, my son pointed out that we hadn’t gotten around to practicing those multiplication flashcards I had left out as a reminder. He seemed unfazed, but I felt a wave of disappointment. It wasn’t that I had forgotten; I simply ran out of time.
As I tucked my daughter into bed, she chatted about her friends from school, whom she hadn’t seen in ages, and shared her achievements in Fortnite. I mentally scolded myself. Earlier that day, I had vowed to help her find more ways to connect with her friends and limit her screen time, yet the day had slipped away without me acting on it.
When I finally settled down for the night, I had a familiar list of improvements I’d aim for the next day. Tomorrow, I would manage work, maintain our household, and successfully solo-parent my two kids during this pandemic—easy, right?
But as tomorrow arrived, I found that while I succeeded in getting more veggies into my son’s meals and encouraged my daughter to video call a friend, I still faced setbacks; laundry had piled up, leaving both kids to scramble for clean socks, and I again forgot to review those flashcards.
The truth is, amidst the many significant moments of my day that lead me to feel inadequate, I find reassurance in the little moments.
The year after my partner passed away, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I was failing my children in countless ways. I couldn’t play the role of two parents when I was struggling to be one. I knew I missed appointments and neglected responsibilities. I even forgot to help my son prepare for his speech coaching session and the first time ever, I stayed up late with my daughter, cramming for tests because I hadn’t reminded her to start studying sooner. I was doing my best, and I recognized that it had to be enough, but I longed for my best to be more substantial. I worried about the impact of my “best” on my children.
Then I discovered something that shifted my perspective. On the anniversary of my partner’s death, after a year filled with grief and only my best efforts, my son left a note on his father’s tombstone. It simply read: “we are happy.”
Now, when I reflect on that challenging year, the first thing that comes to mind is his note: “we are happy.” Among all the significant moments that could be seen as failures, this one shines brightly.
This week, another small moment stood out amid the chaos of forgotten flashcards and too many hours of screen time. During a family outing to a drive-through, fueled by my caffeine habit and a desperate attempt to pry my kids off their devices, we found ourselves being silly in a way that only families can be. My daughter was laughing so hard that tears streamed down her face. She turned to me and said, “I love this family.”
I know that in the future, when I reflect on this pandemic year, that little moment will define it, just like her brother’s note defined our year of grief.
These little moments show that despite the many perceived and real shortcomings, my children are going to be alright, and I am doing just fine—perhaps even better than I realize.
What these experiences teach me is that those small moments reveal a more significant truth than any big moment cluttered with chores and quick dinners: I’m a good mom, a perfectly imperfect mom, and exactly what my kids need.
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In summary, while parenting can be filled with challenges and moments of self-doubt, it’s the little moments that truly define our journey. These small interactions and experiences remind us that we are doing our best, and that’s what truly matters.