Life can present us with challenges that feel insurmountable. I’ve faced my share of health issues, from nearly dying due to insulin deprivation and being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes to battling breast cancer at thirty-five. Handling these medical conditions was already a struggle, filled with needles, appointments, test results, and overwhelming anxiety.
What made these experiences even tougher was the pressure to maintain a facade of positivity. I’ve always been candid about my health battles in hopes of helping others, but often this openness came with consequences. When I expressed my exhaustion or fear, I was met with well-meaning but unhelpful comments like, “Look on the bright side!” or “You’ll get through this!” Such toxic positivity only compounded my difficulties. While my experiences may differ from yours, I suspect many can relate to the frustration of being told to simply “stay strong” or “cheer up.”
Throughout my life, I’ve dealt with anxiety. As a child, my feelings manifested through nail-biting, stomachaches, and a constant worry about rules. Instead of receiving understanding, I was told to “relax” and “stop stressing!” Such remarks did nothing but amplify my anxiety. I was left managing my own fears while also feeling pressured to meet others’ expectations of how I should cope.
After my diabetes diagnosis, I lost count of how many times people insisted I should be thankful for my life, or that a cure was on the horizon. These comments felt dismissive and only served to heighten my confusion and anger. It was as if expressing my true feelings was a burden to others, and I was conditioned to keep my pain hidden—much like with my anxiety.
Then came my breast cancer diagnosis. Friends and acquaintances encouraged me to be strong and positive. While I know their intentions were good, it felt like they were placing me in a role I didn’t want to play. I was in a battle for my life, and I didn’t need the added pressure to do it with a smile. A friend’s humorous remark, “Boobs are stupid,” was a refreshing relief amidst the seriousness of my situation, showing that empathy can coexist with humor.
Toxic positivity fosters a culture where authenticity is undervalued and emotion is brushed aside. Instead of embracing vulnerability, we often resort to canned responses like, “I’m fine, you?”—while internally struggling. We may not share every detail of our lives with casual acquaintances, but living under the pretense of being “fine” can be exhausting. It’s vital to identify those safe people in our lives who accept our emotions without judgment, and for many, therapy provides that sanctuary.
At a friend’s husband’s funeral, I grappled with what to say. I avoided clichés and instead embraced honesty: “This is really crappy.” It felt important to acknowledge her pain rather than sugarcoat the situation. We often feel compelled to lighten or gloss over others’ genuine feelings, but true healing comes from confronting emotions. Avoidance may provide temporary relief, but buried feelings eventually resurface.
People who are comfortable with their own emotions tend to be more accepting of others’ feelings. By embracing vulnerability and acknowledging our ups and downs, we can cultivate stronger relationships. We ought to support one another in our struggles and joys, rather than trying to fit our feelings into acceptable molds.
Ultimately, we all desire to be heard and validated. When we hear phrases like “Tell me more” or “That must be tough” instead of being told to simply be positive, we feel acknowledged. Those who create space for our emotions are truly courageous. They prioritize our needs over their discomfort, which is a profound gift.
In our most challenging moments, we might not be inclined to seek out silver linings. Ignoring our true emotions can silence our intuition, which is never advisable. While feelings may be transient, they can also linger. It’s crucial to sit with our emotions, reflect on them, and navigate through them. If we encounter unsupportive individuals, establishing boundaries becomes essential for personal well-being.
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Summary:
Toxic positivity can be more harmful than helpful, often leading individuals to suppress their genuine emotions in favor of a manufactured cheerfulness. This article emphasizes the importance of honesty and vulnerability in emotional expression, advocating for supportive relationships where feelings are acknowledged and validated. It encourages readers to confront their emotions rather than shy away from them, fostering authenticity and deeper connections with others.