Recently, I had a candid conversation with my partner, Jake. After our intimate moment, I found myself feeling exhausted and frustrated. For us, “finishing” means Jake reaches his climax, while I spend an extended period—often an hour—trying to find satisfaction with my vibrators. He usually reads quietly beside me, always asking, “Do you need any help?” I typically decline. That night, I lay back on the bed, feeling spent and somewhat embarrassed, before heading to clean my toys. “Did it work?” he asked. “Yeah,” I replied. “But honestly, it wasn’t worth it.”
His expression said it all—he was taken aback. “Look,” I explained, “the sex was great! We did it exactly how I like it—fast and intense. I truly appreciate that. But I hardly ever climax without my vibrator, and that process takes forever. A whole hour! In the end, the satisfaction just doesn’t justify the time or effort. So, no, it wasn’t worth it. It’s not your fault; it’s just how it is, and I’m sorry. If you ever wonder why we don’t have a lot of sex, that’s the reason. It’s not you.” I then walked into the bathroom, feeling a mix of frustration and sadness.
Why Sex Feels Like Too Much Work
I take medication, specifically an SSRI for depression, which significantly complicates my ability to reach orgasm. While it doesn’t diminish my desire for sex, it does make achieving satisfaction nearly impossible without additional support. I try to look cute in my sexy lingerie and hop into bed, where we do engage in plenty of foreplay. Jake is attentive and accommodating, always willing to fulfill my requests—whether it’s tying me up, whispering sweet nothings, or letting me choose the pace and position. Once he finishes, though, it’s up to me.
I routinely tell Jake that I don’t need help because I worry he’ll tire out. So, I go it alone, sometimes with him nearby, sometimes not. My vibrators often run out of batteries, leading to frustrating interruptions. Yes, it feels nice, but after a while, I find myself thinking, “How long have I been at this?” I get close to that elusive peak, only to lose momentum. When I finally do reach orgasm, it feels like it should be grand—fireworks and all—but it rarely is. The brief thrill doesn’t make up for the long, drawn-out process.
Sometimes, I Just Don’t Bother
There are nights when I simply choose not to try. The effort feels pointless, and I’d rather get some sleep than struggle for an unsatisfying climax. I tell Jake to pass me my pajamas, which I discarded earlier, and head to the bathroom, where I’m reminded of my frustration every time. I’m left restless, feeling a disquieting blend of horniness and fatigue. Eventually, I drift off to sleep, but not without resentment, recalling the days when pleasure came easily. I miss those times of multiple orgasms and the blissful sleep that followed. Now, it’s just not worth the trouble, and it pains me to know Jake feels inadequate, even if he won’t admit it.
It’s not his fault, nor anyone’s really—it’s just a matter of my brain chemistry, which I can’t change.
Medical Science Isn’t the Solution
Men have medications like Viagra to help with performance issues, but women are often overlooked in this regard. Sure, I’ve heard rumors about medications that could help women, and I even tried a pill from a friend, but it didn’t do anything for me. When it comes to women’s health, there’s a lack of focus on helping us achieve orgasm or addressing SSRI side effects. I could switch medications, but alternatives like Wellbutrin haven’t worked for me. So I find myself stuck between sadness and disappointing sex.
I try to prioritize intimacy with Jake, aiming for two times a week because I love him. I make an effort to set up time for myself, keeping my vibrators charged, but it remains a frustrating experience. The result is often just a faint flutter—nothing like it used to be. Sadly, I’ve come to accept this as my reality, but I know I’m not alone in this struggle.
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Summary:
The struggle for sexual satisfaction when dealing with the side effects of SSRIs can be disheartening, leading to feelings of frustration and inadequacy. While the desire for intimacy remains, the path to achieving orgasm often feels lengthy and unrewarding. This piece highlights the complexities of maintaining a fulfilling sex life while navigating personal challenges and the implications it has on relationships.