Since my separation nearly four years ago, I’ve discovered more about myself and life than I had in the first 41 years. I spent almost 20 years with the same partner and hadn’t worked outside the home for nearly 14. My comfortable life vanished in a single conversation.
I vividly recall the paralyzing fear I felt the night my husband and I decided to part ways. The idea of not seeing my children every day, becoming financially independent, and being the sole adult in the household was terrifying. I doubted my ability to manage it all.
He said to me, “You’ll find a doctor or lawyer who will take care of you.” In that moment, I realized I didn’t want someone to swoop in and rescue me; I wanted to take charge of my own life, despite the doubts swirling in my mind.
I had to learn how to work, care for my children alone, adapt to a new living situation, and come to terms with the end of my marriage. The emotional toll can be overwhelming. And seeking someone to fill your ex-husband’s shoes isn’t the answer. It may seem easier, but you know what feels far more empowering? Taking charge and doing it on your own.
Embrace the Journey
Don’t expect to have everything figured out immediately. The divorce journey is just that—a journey. It will take time and effort. You’ll need to learn how to ask for help and discover new ways of managing your life.
But you can get through this. You are entirely capable of overcoming it. Start by making a list of what’s important to you, and remember not to bite off more than you can chew. I’m speaking from experience when I say the key is to take small steps.
Get out of bed and focus on the next task at hand, whether it’s as simple as taking a shower or as significant as searching for a job. Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to plan your entire day or year. Concentrate on just the next step.
Don’t sit at your computer trying to craft a resume while worrying about how you’ll face dating again. Don’t fixate on what your divorce will mean for your children’s well-being while searching for a new home. This is challenging, but your mind can only handle so much at once. Attempting to control every aspect will only lead to anxiety you didn’t know was possible.
Prioritize Self-Care
Remember: take it one step at a time. Prioritize self-care. You can’t care for others if you’re running on empty. This is not the moment to neglect your well-being. Yes, this change is tough on the family, but neglecting yourself will only complicate matters.
Reach out to friends, seek professional help, treat yourself to something uplifting, or whip up your favorite dish. Even if you feel unmotivated, try engaging in at least one small positive action, and watch as your mood improves. One good deed often leads to another.
After my husband left, I made myself buy new bedding to improve my sleep. It worked; as I began to rest better, I felt a little more like myself each day.
Finding Strength
The most important thing to remember is that, despite the hardship, you can make it through this. There are people who want to support you—allow them to help. Expect tears, setbacks, and challenging days. It’s perfectly okay to not be okay. Mistakes are part of the learning process, so don’t be too hard on yourself; the journey is tough enough without self-criticism.
Going through my divorce taught me how much I can rely on myself. It’s been a long road, and I still have days filled with sorrow and nostalgia for my past life. That’s my reality—it may not be yours. But I know that no matter what challenges arise, I can handle them because I’ve proven it to myself.
And you can too. I assure you.
Additional Resources
If you’re interested in exploring more about family planning and paternity benefits, check out this blog post. For those on a journey of artificial insemination, Make a Mom has valuable resources. Additionally, the CDC offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
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Summary:
This article offers guidance to mothers blindsided by divorce, encouraging them to take control of their lives and focus on manageable steps during a challenging time. It emphasizes self-care, the importance of support, and the realization that it’s okay to seek help while navigating this new chapter.