By: Emily Carter
Updated: Dec. 18, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 13, 2015
My spouse is a devout Christian—someone who engages deeply with the Bible, contemplates the teachings of Jesus, and finds solace in their church community. In contrast, I was raised in a household of atheist Jews, where traditions like gefilte fish and Mel Brooks jokes were more commonplace than religious rituals. I never had a bat mitzvah, didn’t attend temple, and didn’t treat Jewish holidays as anything more than regular days off from school. I went to Passover at my grandparents’ house and had a menorah, but that was about the extent of my Jewish upbringing.
For years, I identified as agnostic until I read Penn Jillette’s book, God, No!, which awoke me to the fact that I was an atheist who had been using softer language. I believe in a certain rhythm and mystery to the universe, but I don’t subscribe to any deity that demands our adoration.
I entered my relationship with three non-negotiable rules, one of which was to steer clear of anyone religious. However, everything changed when I met Jake, who, despite breaking my rules, captured my heart. We confronted our differing beliefs early on. Jake is open-minded, and his faith doesn’t clash with my atheism or my very liberal upbringing. His family is just as welcoming; they embody the essence of what a “good Christian” should be—kind, judgment-free, and community-driven.
Raising Kids in a Mixed-Religion Household
Then came the kids, the potential flashpoints in our marriage due to our differing beliefs. Did we face issues? Not at all. Were there arguments? No. Are the kids bewildered about their mixed heritage? Not in the slightest. Do we keep secrets about our beliefs? Absolutely not.
Sundays roll around, and Jake often heads to church, sometimes accompanied by one or both of the kids. I admit I feel a twinge of discomfort when they come home with Sunday school materials, but I let it slide. If they choose not to attend, that’s perfectly fine too. I occasionally plan exciting Sunday outings to distract them, but we handle it well.
Christmas has always been a joy for me, and now I can celebrate it with my family. I’ve embraced the title of “The Jew Who Loves Christmas,” and I even hang up lights outside our home. Hanukkah is a breeze; we light the menorah, sans prayers since I don’t know them. Other Jewish holidays tend to go unnoticed, though schools nowadays often close for them.
Our son enjoys reading Bible stories and discussing them with Jake, while also exploring my beliefs. My daughter, at 7, is more confused and less interested. She once told her friends that “Mommy hates God,” which prompted a panic on my part as I worried about her friendships. I quickly clarified my position.
Respecting Each Other’s Beliefs
Believe it or not, Jake and I have never fought over religion or how to raise our kids. Our discussions are lively, but we manage to keep things respectful. I can’t fully grasp his beliefs, and he struggles to understand mine, yet here we are.
Early in our relationship, we discovered something interesting:
- We both adored The Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S. Lewis, which I didn’t realize was steeped in Christian theology until much later. My affection for those books didn’t diminish upon learning this.
- Jake was surprised to find someone with a strong moral compass who didn’t derive it from faith, while I was intrigued that he could maintain such beliefs while still valuing our relationship.
Jake’s journey through faith has been enlightening for both of us. He once belonged to a church focused on a charismatic pastor, but after feeling disillusioned, he left. He even faced criticism for being “unequally yoked” because of me. When he departed, several friends followed suit, sharing his discontent.
The key to our success? Mutual respect. Jake firmly believes it’s God’s role to reach out to me, while I understand that he won’t. I recognize the joy and strength he derives from his faith, and I would never want to obstruct that. I’ve met his friends from church, and they are warm, welcoming individuals—far from what I expected.
We both maintain open minds and hearts, a vital element for our relationship to flourish. As our children grow and their questions deepen, we intend to engage them honestly. When things work, they simply work.
Further Reading
For those interested in exploring more about navigating the complexities of family dynamics within a two-religion marriage, check out this insightful article here. If you’re considering home insemination, reputable retailers like Make a Mom offer excellent products to assist you. For further information on fertility and related topics, Medical News Today is an invaluable resource.
Summary
In navigating a two-religion marriage, respect and open communication are crucial. This guide shares personal experiences of a Christian and an atheist Jew raising children together, highlighting the importance of understanding and acceptance in a diverse family dynamic.
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