By: Jessica Lee
Recently, someone posed a thought-provoking question: how would my life differ if I didn’t have a brother with a disability? The truth is, it would be far less vibrant, less enlightening, and definitely less rewarding. For the past two decades, my brother, Noah, has imparted countless lessons simply by being himself. Here are my top five takeaways:
1. Be Prepared for Brutal Honesty.
One of Noah’s most remarkable traits is his pure and unfiltered honesty. He doesn’t intend to offend, but he simply can’t help but state the truth. This has landed him in some amusing situations. For instance, when someone asks, “Noah, are you happy to see me?” they might just hear, “Not really.” I often find myself chuckling at how refreshing it would be if everyone were so candid. Whenever I need a fashion opinion, he’s my go-to!
2. Invisible Struggles Are Real.
Pain isn’t always visible. Autism is an invisible disability, and while you might witness Noah’s arm-flapping or hear him softly talking to himself, you may not grasp the deeper challenges he faces. This reality is both a blessing and a curse. Sometimes, I wish his disability was apparent because people tend to show more compassion when they can see someone struggling. Noah, who stands tall at six feet, often faces judgment for behaviors that are misunderstood. I’ve learned to approach every situation with an open heart and mind, recognizing that everyone has their own battles, whether or not they’re visible.
3. Grieving Takes Many Forms.
I once compared receiving an Autism diagnosis to the grief of losing a dear friend. While that may seem harsh, it captures the essence of what many families experience. You mourn the loss of the life you envisioned for yourself and your loved ones. I went through stages of denial, anger, and sadness, and it’s crucial to allow yourself to feel these emotions without guilt. Even now, I grieve for the potential life Noah could have had, but I’ve learned to process these feelings quickly because dwelling on them doesn’t help anyone.
4. Miracles Are Possible.
I know, this sounds cliché, but it’s true. Parents of children with disabilities must maintain hope. While it’s vital to set realistic expectations, it’s equally important to avoid limiting beliefs. Just because someone is nonverbal doesn’t mean they won’t communicate in other ways. Noah today is a far cry from the Noah of years past; he not only speaks but sings beautifully—often better than I do!
5. You Can’t Control Everything, But You Can Control Your Reactions.
I thrive on organization and planning, often making multiple to-do lists each week. However, having a sibling with a disability can strip away that sense of control. You never know what challenges might arise, whether it’s an unexpected meltdown caused by “hard pants” or missed milestones. It’s essential to conserve your energy for what you can control and let go of the rest. Life is more enjoyable when you embrace flexibility.
6. A Simple “Hello” Goes a Long Way.
Sometimes, the smallest gestures, like greeting someone, can make a significant impact.
In summary, my brother Noah has taught me invaluable lessons about honesty, compassion, grief, hope, and resilience. While his journey is unique, the wisdom he imparts is universally applicable. If you’re interested in exploring more about family dynamics or parenting challenges, check out this insightful post on Cervical Insemination. Also, for those considering home insemination, Make a Mom offers excellent at-home insemination kits. Additionally, for further information on fertility and pregnancy, Science Daily is a fantastic resource.
Leave a Reply