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Your Friends Might Not Always Want Your Advice
by Sarah Lee
Updated: Jan. 9, 2021
Originally Published: Jan. 9, 2021
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I have a relative who often asks about my life, but it quickly turns into her sharing her own experiences instead of genuinely listening. It’s clear she’s not interested in my holiday plans or how I spent my summer. Instead, she uses my questions as an opportunity to talk about herself, interrupting me before I even finish my thoughts.
Just recently, during a brief visit, she interrupted me multiple times (I lost count after seven). My son grew so annoyed that he left the room. She was asking him about his life, and when he mentioned some car issues, she suddenly became an expert, despite having no knowledge of vehicles whatsoever.
Even my teenage son simply wanted to express his frustrations without receiving unsolicited advice. While I’ve dealt with her my entire life and have grown accustomed to her draining ways, it made me realize that we all have someone in our lives who feels the need to offer unwanted advice without truly listening.
In my thirties, I began to appreciate friends who excelled at listening. I once shared my frustrations about my mother-in-law on my neighbor’s porch. She didn’t interrupt or offer her own story. Instead, she simply said, “Your mother-in-law. Tell me about her.” After that, she listened without judgment, and I felt so much lighter.
From that moment on, I vowed to become a better listener. There’s a time for sharing experiences and connecting, but there’s also immense value in providing a space for someone to speak without interruption. It’s not necessary to share a similar story or to give an opinion unless it’s specifically requested.
Through the years, I’ve observed that most individuals will do what they wish, regardless of our attempts to influence them. However, it’s rare to find someone who will sit quietly and let you express yourself fully without distractions. In our fast-paced world, we often feel compelled to jump in and offer solutions when someone is struggling. But often, they simply seek a listening ear.
When you give that gift of listening, you communicate, “You matter, you don’t need fixing, and I’m here to support you.” In a time where many of us are overwhelmed, simply sitting and listening can be far more productive than trying to offer advice.
My friend gave me the invaluable gift of listening; I left her home feeling respected and understood, not weighed down by her suggestions or stories that would overshadow my own. Listening doesn’t cost a thing, and asking, “How can I help you right now?” is far more effective than trying to solve someone’s problems for them.
If you want to deepen your relationships, try to let others speak freely without interjecting. This approach fosters genuine connections and understanding.
For more insights on relationships and personal experiences, check out this other blog post.
Summary:
The essence of friendship often lies in the ability to listen without judgment or the urge to give unsolicited advice. A genuine listening ear can provide comfort and validation, allowing friends to express themselves freely. By fostering this skill, we can create deeper connections and support each other without feeling the need to fix problems.