Four hours each day: that’s the length of my train commute from my home in Connecticut to my job in midtown Manhattan. Initially, I welcomed this time as a much-needed escape from the lively chaos of my children. It provided me with moments to meditate, read, or simply gaze out the window of the Metro-North, preparing for my workday that began at 8 a.m. Like a true New Yorker, I’d dash off the train, drop my coat and lunch, and head straight to the restroom and coffee machine before diving into work until it was time to make the return journey home.
That was until March.
I didn’t realize just how essential that break was until COVID-19 changed everything. Now, I work from home, navigating the challenges of being a teacher to my three kids, ensuring they are fed and safe while also managing my professional responsibilities. This new reality is teaching me about the importance of boundaries—a lesson I’ve been trying to master for years.
Establishing boundaries is vital for my mental well-being. Although they play a crucial role in my daily life, creating them has never been a simple task. In college, I learned to say “no” and stand by that decision, even if I did so tentatively. The pandemic has compelled me to resurrect those words I had long buried in my pursuit of career advancement. I’ve begun advocating for my needs and those of my children in ways I never thought possible nine months ago. The structure of our daily lives now hinges on my ability to assert myself, set boundaries, and occasionally decline work calls to help my twins with their kindergarten phonics or ensure they’re logged into their Google Meet sessions with their “bosses”—their teachers.
A 2015 CNN Money report indicated that women typically spent 7 hours and 49 minutes working, while only getting about 7 hours and 56 minutes of sleep. Now, as we work from home, the lines blur even further: we sleep upstairs and work downstairs, making it all too easy to extend our work hours late into the night or send emails while catching up on the latest Netflix hits. But guess what? It’s equally easy to avoid these habits. We have the power to close our laptops, silence our phones, and delay that one email until our workday begins again.
When Friday rolls around, I unplug—almost to the point of deleting my Google apps from my phone. I don’t check emails after 5 p.m., nor do I log in over the weekend. My job allows for occasional emergency calls, but they are quite rare.
I don’t feel like I’m missing anything significant by disconnecting on Fridays and not logging back in until Monday morning. What I gain is far more valuable than anything that might come through my inbox. I reclaim time for myself: whether it’s enjoying a glass of wine at 5:01 p.m., binge-watching “Bridgerton” on Saturdays, or attending virtual church on Sundays. I’ve heeded the call to reclaim my time, echoing the sentiments shared by Representative Maxine Waters.
I genuinely value my role in my nonprofit team and appreciate the opportunity to contribute to meaningful work. However, the pandemic has pushed me to my limits—testing my mental health, endurance, strength, marriage, and self-esteem. The most significant lesson I’ve learned is that I don’t owe anyone an apology for prioritizing myself.
As mothers, we often put our children first, and when we’re asked to focus on ourselves, we struggle. However, COVID-19 has empowered me to prioritize my own needs without guilt. My emotional and mental well-being hinge on establishing clear and healthy boundaries between work and personal life, and these boundaries are essential for supporting my family.
Let’s be honest: guilt can rear its ugly head like a zombie in a horror movie. I sometimes feel bad about rescheduling work meetings because my kids’ teachers changed their Google Meet times or declining a work call to tend to my children. But in those moments, I recognize that I need to be present for my family. I can’t be everything for everyone; it’s an impossible feat to excel at work, bake cookies from scratch every week, and prepare meals for my partner without letting something slip through the cracks.
I’m putting myself back at the center of my life by setting these boundaries: shutting down at the end of each workday, not answering emails during bath time, and focusing on my family. This is my reality. Although we can hope that COVID-19 will soon be behind us, the boundaries I’ve established and the choices I’m making today will remain. Standing up for myself, rescheduling meetings, and politely informing my boss when I can’t take on additional tasks have empowered me. It has also shown my children that achieving balance is possible when we make a conscious effort to tip the scales in our favor.
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Summary:
The experience of working mom burnout can feel all-consuming, especially during the pandemic. This article explores the challenges of balancing work and family life, the importance of setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care. It emphasizes the necessity of reclaiming personal time and highlights the empowerment that comes from advocating for oneself.