I’ve always appreciated the Serenity Prayer since childhood, even before I understood its origins. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” This simple yet profound message was penned by a theologian and later embraced by various recovery programs worldwide. It became a guiding principle for me throughout my youth and into adulthood.
My father struggled with alcoholism for as long as I can remember. Some years were better, marked by his attempts to stay sober, while others were chaotic, with him slipping back into old habits. During my brother and my younger years, we were aware that his actions were problematic. We would often stop at a bar before school, justified by the claim that it had been my grandfather’s establishment. I was certain there was always something hidden in his coffee. He would proceed to drink through lunch and pick us up after our activities. There were moments when my brother and I considered getting out and walking, but we knew that voicing our concerns would unleash chaos. In retrospect, I recognize how fortunate we were to have made it through without serious consequences. Overall, we enjoyed a wonderful childhood, despite the memories that linger like ink stains on my mind.
When I became a parent, I knew I had to set boundaries. I told my father he could no longer drive my son around while intoxicated. He could have done so with his own children, but now that he had a granddaughter, those days were over. That conversation felt monumental, as it was a stark realization for both of us—the roles had shifted dramatically.
During that talk, we traversed through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. My dad expressed a desire to attend Alcoholics Anonymous again, a recurring theme in our lives. However, that conversation marked a turning point. Fearing that he would be restricted from seeing his only grandson, he fought back against his demons. For the first time, he seemed to conquer the monster that had haunted him for years.
Yet, just as soon as sobriety took hold, signs of forgetfulness began to emerge. Initially, we attributed this to the absence of alcohol in his system after so many years. However, the forgetfulness worsened, and conversations became cyclical. Our family was no stranger to this; Alzheimer’s disease had touched our lives before. It wasn’t long before my father received an official diagnosis.
Alzheimer’s is a cruel affliction, much like alcoholism. It slowly erodes the essence of a person, replacing them with a shadow of their former self. While society often shows more sympathy towards Alzheimer’s, both conditions often have genetic roots, leaving families grappling with a sense of helplessness. After the initial diagnosis, the decline is gradual but relentless.
How did we navigate one illness only to face another? My mother bore the brunt of this struggle, caring for my father not just once but now a second time. What had he done to deserve such fate? It’s easy to fall into the trap of questioning “why” and “how,” but as we approach the later stages of this disease, those questions become less relevant.
This fall, I assisted my mother in admitting him to a memory care facility nearby. His days are filled with more challenges than triumphs. He has frequent falls, and the last one necessitated a hospital visit. He often loses track of his surroundings and calls us multiple times a day, repeating the same conversations. Despite the repetitiveness, we find a strange comfort in those exchanges, knowing they won’t last much longer.
If you’re interested in more insights about family journeys, check out this article on home insemination. Also, for those exploring ways to enhance fertility, Fertility Booster for Men is a useful resource. For more information on family-building options, visit Resolve.
Search Queries:
- How to support a family member with Alzheimer’s?
- Coping with a loved one’s alcoholism.
- What to expect when caring for someone with dementia.
- The impact of addiction on family dynamics.
- Managing relationships with addicted parents.
Summary:
The journey of coping with a loved one’s alcoholism can be complex, leading to unexpected challenges such as Alzheimer’s disease. The author reflects on their father’s struggles with addiction and subsequent diagnosis, emphasizing the emotional toll on family members. Through personal experiences, the importance of setting boundaries and seeking help is highlighted, alongside the harsh realities of dealing with degenerative diseases.