You remember that moment all too well: you begged to take a quick stroll to the local ice cream shop with your younger sibling in the cozy beach town where we were vacationing. “I’m 12 now, Mom,” you implored, “almost 13. Please?” After some back-and-forth with your father, we decided to let you go. We wanted to give you a taste of independence, even if it was just a short walk down the street. You were excited to get an ice cream, feel the sand between your toes for a bit, and then return home.
We laid out clear guidelines and a return time. You assured us that you understood what we expected. We trusted you, and as we watched you and your sister head off, we exchanged glances, marveling at how quickly time had flown by.
However, the appointed return time came and went, and you were nowhere to be seen. You were late. Very late. So late that we had to venture to the beach to find you. When we did, we were met with half-hearted excuses and eyerolls.
To make matters worse, there was no apology.
Somehow, your tardiness became our fault. “It was only five minutes, ten at most! What’s the big deal?” you retorted, your signature eye roll on full display.
We discussed trust and the importance of responsibility. We emphasized the need to manage your time when faced with a curfew. We talked about the freedoms that would come with maturity and respect for our family rules.
Yet you stood firm. “I don’t think I did anything wrong,” you asserted, your 12-year-old confidence shining through. It was a rookie mistake, indeed, and I was both shocked and impressed by your stubbornness. It reminded me of those defiant toddler days. That night, you went to bed refusing to acknowledge your mistake, just like the times when you were sent to bed early for your three-year-old defiance.
The battle of wills continued into the next morning. You sat at the kitchen table, glowering at your cereal, radiating classic tween angst. I gulped my coffee, pondering how I had ended up with a child who struggled to apologize, one who resisted accepting responsibility. What had I done wrong?
Then, it hit me: I hadn’t taught you how to sincerely say “I’m sorry.” At least, not in a way that resonates with a tween.
When you were younger, I taught you to repeat apologies you barely grasped when you weren’t sharing or acted unkindly. As a toddler, your lessons in remorse were often about actions, not just words. You learned the importance of showing contrition, but now that you’re not little anymore, it’s time to approach this differently.
We’re navigating a new phase, a turbulent mix of hormones, emotions, and self-discovery. Your body is changing, your opinions are solidifying, and you’re craving independence. But when it’s offered in small doses, it can feel overwhelming and exhilarating. This journey is just as confusing for me as it is for you, and it feels like we’re back at square one.
Just as I spent your toddler years figuring out how to guide you, your tween years will require the same effort. We made it through the tantrums and time-outs, and eventually, you learned how to behave. I taught you what it meant to be a toddler.
Now, as I gaze at your maturing face across the table, it’s clear that it’s time to start teaching you again. I will help you learn to navigate this phase of life.
I will hold my ground, remain firm, and maintain consistency. You will push back, but I will push harder. I will help you understand that genuine apologies for your actions are essential—not just the irritated two-syllable versions, but heartfelt gestures of contrition. By the time you leave my home, you will know how to properly apologize and mend relationships.
You will learn the art of saying, “I’m sorry, I was wrong. How can I make it better?” and you will practice this at home, so that you can handle real-world situations with maturity.
But for now, as you look at me with those hazel eyes and sheepishly admit you’re sorry, promising it won’t happen again, I will accept that. We’ve got work to do, my son, but for now, I’ll simply say, “I know,” and wait for the next lesson.
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Summary
Parenting during the tween years can be challenging as children navigate independence, responsibility, and emotions. It’s crucial for parents to teach their children the importance of heartfelt apologies and the significance of trust and accountability. By maintaining consistency and offering guidance, parents can help their tweens learn essential life skills as they transition into adulthood.
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