When you think of a “single mom,” what comes to mind? Do you envision a woman more concerned with her next drink than her child’s sports game? Or perhaps you picture her on a dilapidated porch, smoking a cigarette while her kids wander barefoot nearby. But to me, the term “single mom” encompasses so much more.
It’s the woman anxiously sitting at her desk, wondering how she’ll manage to pay the electric bill before picking her kids up from school. She’s the one who has maxed out her credit cards just to ensure her children have gifts to unwrap on Christmas morning, neatly wrapped under a budget-friendly tree.
Consider the woman who snaps at her kids in the Walmart checkout line. She’s just been verbally assaulted by her ex-husband for refusing to let him take the children on her weekend. She’s the one who retreats to her bathroom to pray for a moment of peace, tears streaming down her face as she stifles her sobs to avoid alarming her children. She longs for someone to comfort her, to tuck her hair behind her ears and offer a gentle kiss on her forehead.
That woman you might judge silently has endured trials beyond your comprehension. She spends her nights soothing a teething baby and tucking her preschooler back into bed after they wander at night. Some nights, she falls asleep on the couch, the emptiness of her bed weighing heavily on her heart.
Between managing work, school schedules, grocery shopping, and bills, her home often resembles a disaster zone. Just the thought of cleaning can trigger overwhelming anxiety, making her unsure of where to even begin. So, she keeps pushing trash into bags, hoping they won’t burst when she takes them out.
The truth is, you likely have no idea what she truly faces. These women wear a facade so tough that their struggles remain hidden from view.
If these women were men, they would receive praise and pats on the back for making timely child support payments. People would smile and nod in approval when they see them in the grocery store, picking out snacks for their kids’ lunches. But if a single mother sends her child to school dressed in mismatched clothes, the judgment is swift: “Does she even care?” or “She must be struggling.”
Why is it that women are criticized for the end of a marriage while men often escape scrutiny? Why is it expected for a woman to handle the responsibilities of two, while a man is merely expected to remember basic self-care?
Have you ever faced the dilemma of choosing between keeping your job and caring for a sick child? Looking into your child’s tear-filled eyes and explaining that you can’t snuggle because you have to work?
Expecting child support makes you seem money-hungry and bitter, yet you are critiqued for not providing your children with a perfect home in a safe neighborhood. This single mother is me. She’s also that grumpy lady at the bank or the waitress who forgets your drink refill. Sometimes, her kids forget their homework or go to school without extra snacks.
She loves her children unconditionally but is utterly exhausted. Sympathy only adds more weight to her armor. The life she leads isn’t the one she envisioned. Perhaps the white picket fence and picture-perfect home decor aren’t part of her life’s plan. But she remains resilient, finding ways to make the best out of difficult situations, even if the outcomes are a bit bitter.
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In summary, the life of a single mother is filled with challenges and unrecognized struggles. They carry an invisible burden while striving to provide for their children and maintain a semblance of normalcy in their lives. Despite facing judgment, these women are resilient and resourceful, navigating their journeys with strength.