Last week, in a private parenting group I’m part of on Facebook, a parent sought advice on purchasing a car for her teenage daughter. She wanted insights on what factors other parents considered while shopping for their teen’s first car — how to find good deals, how much to spend, how much the teen contributed, and how to feel confident about the car’s history, etc.
Many commenters provided valuable advice, suggesting car-buying websites where one can access a complete vehicle history and negotiate prices online. Some shared how their teens had savings accounts and contributed to the purchase or took on jobs to help with their expenses like gas and insurance.
However, a few parents chimed in to say they had bought their kids high-end cars without expecting anything in return. Some parents were purchasing new or nearly-new cars, taking on additional payments, covering insurance and gas, and not requiring any contribution from their kids because “school comes first” or “they’re too busy.” One mom mentioned spending $12,000 on a car, asserting there was no way to find a safer option for less.
I try not to judge how others raise their children, and if you choose to spoil your kid, that’s your prerogative. But that last comment about safety really struck a nerve, especially since several parents agreed, insisting that you simply can’t find a safe car for under $10,000. They would never let their kids drive an older model car.
Do they hear themselves? The car I drive is probably worth about $5,000 now. I bought it almost-new 11 years ago and plan to keep it until it can no longer run because I appreciate not having a car payment. It’s in great condition because I’ve maintained it well. So, according to these parents, my car isn’t safe enough for my kids? Am I a bad parent for not upgrading? By their logic, I must love my kids less because I won’t spend over $10,000 on their first car.
These affluent parents have bought into the notion that they “can’t possibly” allow their children to be in what they perceive as a dangerous situation. They frame their intense concerns about safety as if they are completely normal and must be addressed. They seem to forget that the majority of parents must choose the most affordable options and hope for the best.
If you have the means to provide your child with the best of everything, that’s a privilege. It’s not a necessity like food, water, or shelter. Recognize that. When you announce to a group of parents with varying financial situations that you wouldn’t consider spending less than ten grand on a car for your child due to “safety,” it comes off as tone-deaf and privileged.
Feel free to choose whatever car for your child you wish and spend as much as you like. But don’t use “safety” as a justification for your spending, as if other parents who can’t afford such expenses care less for their children’s safety. Every parent worries about their kids, but not every parent can shell out thousands more for that peace of mind.
Whether it’s the best winter boots, an expensive violin for auditions, or premium tutoring to pass Algebra II — these are all excellent if you can afford them, but they are privileges, not necessities. Presenting them as such is disheartening and can make other parents feel inadequate. If you can provide extras that give your child an advantage, that’s wonderful, but stop framing them as essential needs or as proof of your love.
Please, do what you think is best for your family, but maintain some self-awareness in these discussions. Otherwise, you risk appearing as an insensitive individual.
For further insights, check out this related post on home insemination here. Also, for authoritative information on these topics, consider visiting Make a Mom and CDC.
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Summary:
This article discusses the differences between privileges and necessities in parenting, especially concerning purchasing a car for a teenager. It highlights how some parents equate high spending with love and concern for safety, while others must navigate financial constraints. The piece encourages self-awareness among parents regarding their choices and discussions, reminding them that not all families can afford to spend excessively and that safety should not be used to judge others’ parenting.