Parenting
Oh boy. My third child nearly pushed me to my limits. A few months ago, I was genuinely beginning to doubt my ability to cope with the little sleep I was getting. My baby fits the description many would label as “high-needs.” While I could use more precise terms, “high-needs” sounds polite and a bit scientific, so we’ll go with that.
From the start, my little one demanded almost constant attention. She’s been a nightmare when it comes to sleep, an incessant nurser, and has clung to my side as if she were glued there.
She’s nothing like my first two kids. My oldest was a classic “easy” baby who taught me nothing about parenting. I used to pick him up out of guilt when he played happily alone for too long. He rarely cried at night, waking just to nurse, and then he would drift right back to sleep. I thought I was a parenting pro thanks to him.
My second child was more of a standard baby, but compared to my first, I thought he was challenging. Little did I know how wrong I was. My second had a few rough moments, but he was practically self-sufficient compared to this third one.
From six to ten months, my daughter literally only wanted me. This isn’t an exaggeration. She might tolerate her father or brothers for a few minutes, but as soon as that whimper started, we knew it was over. There was no comforting her; she wanted her mom, period.
I assure you, we tried our best. My amazing husband wanted to bond with her and give me some time off. I attempted to take a bath or work in another room while I could hear him singing Cocomelon songs and dancing with her in a carrier. For a few moments, she might be content, maybe even fall asleep for a bit. But once she’d had enough, it was a different story. Despite his best efforts, she would wail until I couldn’t take it anymore and rushed in to get her. She just wanted me.
More than once, I found myself rocking her in the middle of the night, tears streaming down my face as I looked at her beautiful sleeping face. I remember cradling her one night and thinking, “If I had you first, your brothers wouldn’t exist. You are so much.” The stereotypes about third children are entirely accurate, people.
Then she started crawling. She was a bit late to the game, really not getting the hang of it until 10 months, but once she did, it was like a switch flipped. My entire world began to shift. I wouldn’t say she’s relaxed or independent now; she’s still a handful.
However, she can now explore and come back to me without needing anyone else’s help. It’s almost like knowing she has constant access to me has lessened her urgency. She can entertain herself for a while without being attached to me.
She’s also nursing less frequently now. She discovered that cups are actually quite nice, and now she drinks water several times a day instead of tugging at my shirt and screaming “BOOBIE!” until I want to cry.
Sleep is still a challenge, but at least she gives me a couple of hours in a row at night now, so we’re heading in the right direction.
I don’t want to jinx it, but I think we may have finally weathered the worst of it. It’s been about a month since I last looked at my husband and said, “This one is a lot, isn’t she? I’m not a terrible parent—she’s just really needy, right?”
If you’re dealing with a brand-new little one who demands more than you ever expected, hang in there. I know that when you hear that piercing cry, your heart breaks, and you want to soothe your baby.
But I also understand the tension in your jaw and the heaviness in your shoulders when it feels like you can’t keep up with their endless needs. You could be the most patient parent in the world, yet a super high-needs baby can bring anyone to their knees. It’s not your fault if you feel overwhelmed. You are not alone.
Don’t hesitate to ask for assistance if you need it, because all those well-meaning folks telling you that this phase will pass in the blink of an eye? Yeah, ignore them. The first year with a high-needs baby will not feel quick while you’re living through it.
You might blink, but when you open your eyes, your baby won’t have magically transformed into a toddler. They’ll still be a few months old, red-faced, screaming, and demanding to eat.
And that blink? It will feel like the six minutes of sleep you managed to get since the last time you laid your baby down. It’s tough, and your emotions about it are completely valid. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. At almost a year old, my high-needs baby is transitioning toward becoming a (presumably) high-needs toddler.
While that comes with its own set of hurdles, I’m more than ready for this journey with my sweet yet challenging angel to be hard in a different way. At least this new phase comes with some sleep!
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Summary:
The journey of parenting a high-needs baby can be incredibly overwhelming, filled with sleepless nights and constant demands for attention. The author shares her personal experience with her third child, who required near-constant care and affection, contrasting it with her experiences with her first two children. However, as her daughter grows and becomes more independent, the situation improves, offering hope to parents in similar situations. The article encourages seeking help and reminds parents that they are not alone in their struggles.