This week, I took a rare break from my work-at-home setup to dash over to Trader Joe’s and Target during what should have been quieter hours. I had my headphones in, tuned into a conference call. As a full-time remote worker, my schedule has shifted dramatically since everyone is now home, leading to the expectation that I be available for calls from morning until evening while my kids are in daycare for most of the day. Being someone who dislikes crowds and is particularly germophobic, I ventured out during the day to grab a Christmas ham, some holiday treats for my children’s teachers, breakfast items for Christmas morning, and the only yogurt my son enjoys.
After parking, I ended my call and put on my mask before heading to Trader Joe’s, only to be met by a line that stretched to the end of the strip mall. The sight of so many potentially infectious people sent me scurrying back to my car, feeling like a startled cat.
Refusing to let this setback stop me before my next call at 2:30 p.m., I made my way to Target to collect an online diaper order using their Drive Up service. After battling a driver in a black sedan who cut me off, I finally got a parking spot, only to realize that I was now waiting among at least ten other cars, all circling for their orders like hungry vultures.
Twenty minutes later, tangled in my headphones and mask, I managed to shout, “There! Those are my diapers!” to the attendant and got my case of diapers, but I was nearing my breaking point.
On the drive home, I tuned into a heated discussion about contract requirements while sensing my boss’s frustration on the call. I stopped at a nearby strip mall to mail a stack of Christmas cards. Despite my efforts to create beautiful, professional cards for 75 recipients—many of whom don’t reciprocate, even during a pandemic—I found the mailbox jammed. Out of breath with unmailed cards in hand, I retreated to my car and tossed them onto the floor.
In that moment, I realized I had lost my last shred of patience.
Once again, I felt like I had failed. This has become my routine during these trying times. I either struggle at work due to distractions from my son’s kindergarten Zoom class when daycare is closed, or I feel guilty for sending my kids to daycare during a pandemic so I can focus on my demanding job. And let’s not even get started on the chaos surrounding my son’s education and homework.
I often receive emails from corporate HR urging me to prioritize self-care and meditation, which feel hollow and infuriating. With constant meetings filling my Outlook calendar, I watch my only hour of free time each day vanish—the one hour I could have spent creating holiday magic or enjoying a nice walk in the sun.
Just to add meditation to my never-ending to-do list:
- Organize six weeks of Zoom worksheets with STEM assignments and school project drawings
- Write Santa letters for the kids and tape them to the fireplace
- Figure out what gifts my husband’s family wants and order them
- Decide whether to send the kids back to daycare after a COVID scare or risk jeopardizing my elderly parents’ health
- Buy eight Starbucks gift cards and boxes of chocolates for daycare teachers
- Hold back tears in front of my computer screen
- Purchase gifts for the children’s shelter through daycare
- Buy gifts for the senior living center via my son’s elementary class
- MEDITATE/SELF-CARE
- Send $20 via Venmo for the Kindergarten teacher’s gift
- Find and print holiday recipes
- Order new leggings for Peloton workouts
This is ridiculous.
We’ve all seen the articles. Women today are juggling demanding careers, idealistic parenting, fitness routines, keeping the family together, and creating holiday cheer—all while managing the mental overload, especially during a public health crisis. The expectation to do all this with a smile, remain composed at work, and not snap at our kids or partners is simply unrealistic.
It’s no wonder many women are stepping away from their jobs; the system is not designed to support our success. Something has to change. We cannot do everything, be everything, and provide everything to everyone all the time. That notion is a fantasy, and frankly, it’s exhausting.
I’m done.
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In summary, working moms face an overwhelming mental load, especially during the holiday season. The pressures of balancing demanding jobs, parenting responsibilities, and holiday preparations can feel insurmountable, leading many to question the feasibility of doing it all. As societal expectations continue to mount, it becomes clear that a change is necessary to support women’s well-being and career success.