There wasn’t a single dramatic moment that triggered my decision to end certain friendships. It wasn’t an explosive argument, nor were there tears shed or a standoff where no one wanted to apologize first. Instead, I quietly distanced myself, taking measured steps back until those friendships faded away. The time had come for me to gather the courage to part ways with not just one, but several friendships.
I can’t pinpoint exactly what led me to this decision—perhaps it was simply the realization that these relationships were no longer enriching my life. Instead, they were draining my energy, time, and happiness. I don’t think these friends intended to hurt me; rather, I believe I had simply outgrown them. I’m not saying this from a place of superiority; I’m certainly not without flaws, and I’m sure if you asked my former friends, they’d have their own perspectives on our time together.
The past few years have been filled with challenges that spurred my personal growth. I welcomed a new child into our family but was soon diagnosed with cancer, leading to years of work on addressing the psychological impact of that medical trauma. Just when I thought things were stabilizing, the pandemic struck. I had little bandwidth for anything other than surviving day-to-day—friendships included.
One friend went silent after my cancer diagnosis, which deeply hurt me. I had imagined we’d be lifelong friends. I was part of her wedding party, she babysat my children, and I attended her baby showers. When I needed her most, she vanished. A simple text, a meal dropped off at my doorstep, or even a card would have meant the world. Instead, I found myself wondering why it was my responsibility to reach out during such a difficult time. I even spotted her at a park one day and called her, hoping we could reconnect. I watched her decline my call, which shattered my hope of rekindling our friendship.
Another friend drained every conversation, focusing solely on her grievances. Every chat was filled with complaints about her husband, her child’s teacher, and even her neighbor’s dog. While I valued our history, I couldn’t allow it to dictate our future.
Then there was the friend who was overly clingy, wanting to do everything together. I couldn’t provide the level of commitment she desired, especially with my growing family. Our friendship began as a strong bond during her hardest times, making it difficult to let go.
I could have made an effort to salvage these friendships, but was it worth it? With everything on my plate—managing medical trauma, work, and family—my emotional energy was limited. I realized I deserved to invest my time in reciprocal, genuine friendships. Relationships require effort, but they shouldn’t dominate your mental space.
This year taught me that it’s perfectly acceptable for friendships to become incompatible. Growth happens at different paces for everyone, and not all friendships can withstand those changes. Staying in touch out of guilt isn’t healthy. Just because you have a history with someone doesn’t mean you need to maintain that closeness.
We all have our challenges that can hinder our ability to connect with others. Sometimes, you and another person simply aren’t on the same wavelength anymore. It takes courage to let go of friendships for the benefit of both parties.
During these lengthy pandemic months, I’ve felt the urge to reach out to my former friends to check on them. I still care, and there are moments of sadness as I reflect on what went wrong. Did I fail to try hard enough? Do they miss me too? The truth is that while we shared some wonderful times, those moments are best cherished as memories. I’m focused on maintaining my peace and nurturing the friendships I currently have.
We must allow ourselves to say goodbye to friends who no longer serve us. Otherwise, we risk letting them occupy space that could be better filled by others—or even by ourselves. A true friend understands when it’s time to part ways with kindness.
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In summary, letting go of friendships that no longer serve you is a crucial part of personal growth. It’s essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and invest in relationships that are mutually beneficial.