This holiday season feels uniquely challenging. With COVID-19 cases and fatalities on the rise, many people are being urged to avoid traveling and gathering with family. For countless families, this means making the difficult choice to abstain from holiday visits. However, my situation is different. My father has Alzheimer’s, and we simply can’t afford to let time slip away this season.
My father received his Alzheimer’s diagnosis last fall. Since my parents are divorced, my siblings and I faced the tough decision of whether to place him in a long-term care facility. Thankfully, he was still managing his daily activities quite well, so we opted to keep him at home, with my sister taking on the role of his main caregiver.
My sister enrolled him in a memory care day program, established routines, and hired help for when she needed to work or travel. However, when the pandemic struck, all of that came to a halt. His essential routines were disrupted, and the responsibility of his care fell entirely on my sister.
For those unfamiliar, Alzheimer’s is a degenerative brain disease that progressively destroys brain cells. The initial symptoms often involve difficulty remembering new information, but as the disease advances, it can severely impact daily life. Eventually, the damage can hinder communication between the brain and body, leading to severe physical limitations. This is incredibly taxing not only for the individual with Alzheimer’s but also for their caretakers.
As summer ended and COVID-19 numbers began to rise again, we had initially planned for my dad to travel to California for the holidays. This would allow my brother and me to spend precious time with him, giving my sister a much-needed respite. However, as the fall progressed, our concerns about the risks of travel grew.
In a phone call two weeks before Thanksgiving, my siblings and I deliberated about whether it was safe for him to travel. We all initially agreed on what seemed to be the responsible decision: keeping him home. However, as soon as I hung up, I was overcome with emotion. Having lost both grandfathers to dementia, I am acutely aware of the rapid changes this disease can bring. I feared that this could be our last holiday with the father I know. I’ve regretted missed opportunities with loved ones in the past and promised myself I wouldn’t let that happen again with my dad.
I quickly called my sister back, and it was evident she was also emotional. She longed for our family to be together and needed a break. Fortunately, my brother agreed as well. We took numerous precautions to ensure our gathering would be as safe as possible, even consulting a medical professional. We rescheduled their flight to avoid crowded planes and purchased a return flight for January. My sister equipped them with KN95 masks and face shields, along with disinfecting their seating area on the plane.
Upon their arrival, we all quarantined and waited for negative COVID-19 test results before gathering. Our Thanksgiving was scaled back to just immediate family. Since then, we’ve limited outings and kept visitors to a minimum.
Admittedly, taking this risk was nerve-wracking, but we were even more fearful of losing precious moments with our dad. I am grateful to have had this time with him and recognize how fortunate we are to make these choices. Watching my three-year-old daughter climb onto my dad’s lap and play with him reaffirmed that we made the right decision for our family.
It’s challenging to witness our parents change as they age, and for those with a parent suffering from Alzheimer’s, these changes can be particularly swift and shocking. Some may argue that our decision was selfish or irresponsible, and while I respect differing opinions, seeing my daughter bonding with her grandfather reminded me of the importance of family connection.
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Summary:
This holiday season, the author reflects on the urgency of spending time with her father, who has Alzheimer’s, amidst the pandemic. Despite the risks of traveling during COVID-19, she and her siblings decide to gather for the holidays, understanding the importance of family connection. The emotional weight of witnessing a loved one’s decline drives their choice, highlighting the delicate balance between safety and cherishing fleeting moments.