When I began my journey into motherhood with my ex-partner, we agreed that I would take on the role of stay-at-home parent while he focused on building his business. I felt fortunate — I had seen many women struggle to balance work and family, often coming into the office upset. A friend once had to bring her six-year-old to work, risking her job because she couldn’t find childcare and her husband’s unpredictable fire department schedule left them in a bind. These women didn’t pretend to have it all figured out; they gave it their best shot and often felt guilty about falling short.
Initially, I was relieved to be home with my little ones, but soon I found myself working harder and longer than ever before. If I had to juggle a job on top of my home responsibilities, it would have overwhelmed me.
During those years, I felt a shift in my relationship with my husband. He often seemed annoyed if I asked him for help, like changing a light bulb after a long day. He was exhausted from working to provide for our family, leaving little energy for household duties. I took on everything — cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, managing appointments, carpooling, helping with homework, and even coordinating our social life. I wasn’t alone; many moms I spoke to shared the same sentiment. One friend remarked that when she resumed work, her husband suggested she learn to accept a messy house instead of stepping up to help.
The truth is, the 40-hour workweek was never designed for someone to excel at their job and then come home to manage every aspect of family life. It certainly doesn’t allow mothers to “do it all.”
In reality, most of us are working more than 40 hours a week, not even factoring in commute times for those with outside jobs. This message resonates deeply with mothers, especially during the holiday season when we strive to create magical experiences for our children.
We often forget that the 40-hour workweek originated in an era of strict gender roles, where men typically brought home the income while women managed the household. Although societal views on working women have changed, expectations regarding women’s domestic responsibilities have not evolved at the same pace.
Mothers should not be expected to handle a full-time job and then come home to care for children, maintain the household, and ensure everyone is well-fed and on track with their homework. That workload amounts to at least three full-time jobs, and it’s unrealistic to think one person can manage all that.
Many mothers feel inadequate if they don’t return from work with the energy to prepare a wholesome meal, keep the house tidy, spend quality time with their kids, dedicate time for self-care, and nurture their relationships, only to repeat the cycle the next day. One commenter wisely noted, “Let’s ensure our daughters and granddaughters don’t feel trapped in the cycle of trying to do it all. I’m unafraid to ask my partner to help out; he has responsibilities too.”
This is the kind of dialogue we must foster for future generations of women so they won’t grow up feeling they have to shoulder everything alone. Another voice chimed in with a crucial point: “Why is it that women feel like failures when household chores are left undone, while men don’t seem to carry that same burden? It’s time for men to modernize their roles as partners. Too many still cling to outdated ideas of ‘women’s work.’”
My ex never acknowledged the extensive work I managed at home — he only realized how much I handled when he had to take on those tasks himself after our separation.
So stop being hard on yourself if your house isn’t spotless or you decide to skip dinner prep tonight. Don’t let social media posts mislead you into thinking other moms have it all together — they don’t. You have the right to say no, to ask for help, and to lower the expectations you set for yourself. Men often take a break from the day’s stresses; why shouldn’t we?
Remember, your children would rather have a happy mom than one who is constantly striving for perfection.
For more insights, check out this post on home insemination, which touches on related topics. Additionally, Make A Mom provides a comprehensive resource for those considering home insemination. And for further reading on infertility treatments, visit ACOG’s excellent resource.
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In summary, the traditional 40-hour workweek fails to accommodate the realities that mothers face every day. Many women are overburdened with the expectations of managing both professional and domestic responsibilities, leading to feelings of inadequacy. It’s essential to challenge these norms, ask for support, and prioritize well-being over perfection.