My partner and I find ourselves in the laundry room simultaneously. He’s transferring wet clothes from the washer to the dryer while I search for a broom to clean up the crumbs from lunch. For a fleeting moment, our bodies graze against each other, and we exchange a significant glance. Almost instantly, a shriek from one of our kids—who is engaged in online learning—shatters the moment, and we return to our parenting duties.
The pandemic has undoubtedly impacted our intimate life, and I know we’re not the only ones. With our daily responsibilities on an endless loop, intimacy has taken a backseat. It’s simply not on our radar anymore.
Date nights used to set the stage for romance, transforming dinner at a restaurant into an opportunity for some weekend fun. Those days are long gone. With no babysitters, no nights out, and no chance to unwind, we’ve settled into a routine that leaves us drained by the time the sun sets at 5 p.m. Dinner now happens at the early hour of 5:30 with the kids.
Experts suggest scheduling sex, writing it down on the calendar, but we know it’s not that simple. Sure, we could attempt a midday rendezvous while the kids are occupied, but work calls, Zoom meetings, and lunch take precedence over intimacy. We face interruptions every minute.
Quickies sound appealing in theory, but many women, myself included, understand that it takes a while to get into the mood. With two kids constantly seeking help with their math homework and demanding snacks, switching from ‘parent mode’ to ‘passion mode’ in mere minutes feels impossible.
Our desire for intimacy seems mismatched, and the pandemic has exacerbated our work pressures while requiring us to juggle remote learning for our kids—all in the same space, which only adds to the chaos. Our home is far from romantic, cluttered with books, toys, and work materials. Unlike the movies where lovers sweep everything off the table and dive into passion, our reality is much more complicated.
Many of my friends share similar struggles. Though we appreciate being at home, that doesn’t mean our lives resemble a romantic novel. My partner and I often look worn out. The thought of slipping into something more alluring to ignite passion feels far from our current reality.
We shuffle through the day, sipping cold coffee, aiding kids with their online classes, reheating leftovers, and managing work tasks. Most days, we feel like zombies rather than lovers. COVID-19 has certainly killed the mood.
While faking it until we make it might be suggested, it doesn’t fit our style. Instead, we’re learning to accept this dry spell. Yes, experts encourage us to make an effort, yet most people I know are simply too exhausted to care. We’re just trying to survive each day without falling apart.
In the midst of washing masks, distributing hand sanitizer, and supporting our kids with their schoolwork, we’re also managing our professional responsibilities. We brew coffee, run errands, and take breaks alongside our kids.
We’re doing our best, despite what the experts say. Those who can indulge in leisurely intimacy on a Tuesday likely have nannies and housekeepers—something most of us don’t have.
Sometimes, I feel guilty about our lack of intimacy. It’s not due to obligation, but rather an unmet need we both feel. We always seem to be in better spirits afterward, yet the timing never seems right, and life is too chaotic to promise a romantic encounter.
We’re not failures for not meeting some arbitrary sexual frequency. Navigating work, homeschooling, and everyday life during a pandemic is challenging enough. There’s no one right way to handle the mess that has been 2020.
Moreover, I don’t believe intimacy is the only way to connect with our partners. After twenty years together, coupledom means understanding each other’s needs, whether that’s a word of affirmation, a helping hand, or just a shared sigh when the kids are being particularly wild. Connection doesn’t always mean a physical encounter.
It’s essential to acknowledge that COVID-19 has fundamentally altered our lives, including our intimate relationships. It’s okay not to feel in the mood and to nurture our bonds in various ways. It’s also perfectly fine to disregard unrealistic advice from experts who don’t understand the trenches of remote working and learning. If the mood strikes and the timing is right, great—but if it doesn’t, that’s okay too.
For those interested in exploring more about home insemination, check out this insightful blog post about home insemination. Additionally, for authoritative information, visit Make A Mom on home insemination kits, or explore UCSF’s resource for more on pregnancy and fertility options.
Search Queries:
- How has COVID-19 affected relationships?
- Tips for maintaining intimacy while working from home.
- Challenges of parenting during a pandemic.
- How to schedule sex during busy times.
- Finding romance in a chaotic home life.
Summary:
The pandemic has significantly impacted many couples’ intimate lives, replacing romantic moments with daily responsibilities. As partners struggle to balance work, homeschooling, and household duties, feelings of guilt and frustration may arise due to a lack of intimacy. However, it’s important to recognize that connection comes in many forms, and it’s okay to navigate these changes without pressure.