This morning, I completely lost it. There was shouting, tears, and then a wave of guilt washed over me for losing my temper. But here’s the twist: my kids actually completed their chores. They tidied up their clothes, cleaned the moldy cups and bowls cluttering their bedroom floor, scrubbed the bathroom, and vacuumed the living room. In other words, they did what they were supposed to do from the start.
These tasks aren’t surprises. My kids are well aware of their responsibilities; it’s all laid out in front of them, and the list hardly changes. So why does it require me erupting like a volcano for them to finally pay attention?
I’ve tried every approach imaginable. We use an app to track their chores, I give them gentle reminders, and we impose consequences like phone confiscation (although my partner is definitely better at this than I am). So why does it take me reaching my breaking point for anything to happen?
The pattern has become all too familiar: I ask my kids to do something. They ignore me. I repeat myself 15 more times, and they still don’t budge. Then I lose it, and suddenly they listen. I end up feeling terrible, and the cycle continues.
I wish I could claim this is just a phase for my kids, but honestly, I do the same thing to myself. I recognize the importance of self-care—I know I should meditate, turn off the news, and stop mindlessly scrolling through social media. Yet it took a full-on emotional meltdown a month ago for me to actually take these steps seriously. After spending an entire day crying (yes, a whole day), I finally listened to my own needs. I returned to therapy, downloaded a meditation app, and cut down my time on social media.
But it shouldn’t require a meltdown for me to take care of myself, just like it shouldn’t need me to go all Clark Griswold on Christmas Eve for my kids to do their chores. It really shouldn’t. Yet, here we are.
I understand the “love and logic” method and have heard all the advice about setting boundaries and consequences. I know it all in theory, but somewhere between knowing and acting, everything falls apart.
How do we escape this frustrating cycle? I want nothing more than to say something once and have my family actually listen. Yet, I realize I often don’t listen to myself either. Perhaps it’s the fatigue from this never-ending cycle of pandemic life. We’re all worn out from constantly reminding the kids to pick up after themselves, to put the toilet seat down, and to set their phones aside.
I know I sound like the wah-wah teacher from Charlie Brown, and honestly, I’m annoying myself. I’m totally over it. But if I don’t keep reminding everyone to do their chores, will anything ever get done? Will dirty dishes sprout legs? Will crusty toothpaste cement itself in the bathroom sink? More importantly, if my kids don’t learn to clean up after themselves now, will they grow up to be messy, lazy adults?
It’s incredibly frustrating. I don’t want to nag; it feels awful. But if I don’t occasionally lose my cool, things get messy. And I refuse to let my kids turn into entitled individuals who can’t clean up after themselves. Not to mention, I’m fed up with the crumbs, dirty clothes, and missing spoons. (Seriously, where do all the spoons disappear to?)
I don’t have a clear solution. I could probably improve on setting boundaries and consequences, but that’s a struggle for me. Losing my cool comes far more naturally.
Maybe one day, my kids will finally figure out how to use that chore app we downloaded together. Perhaps they’ll learn to pick up their dirty socks without being told and complete their homework on time without the constant reminders. Maybe someday, I’ll get better at enforcing boundaries.
In the meantime, I’ll keep nagging, prompting, and yes, sometimes losing my cool. And I’ll also practice forgiving myself—and my kids—for being imperfect works in progress.
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Summary:
This article explores the recurring frustration of needing to lose one’s temper before children respond to chores. The author reflects on the cycle of reminders, ignored requests, and eventual breakdowns leading to action. Despite understanding the importance of boundaries and consequences, the writer acknowledges their own struggles with self-care and communication. Ultimately, they express the hope that one day their kids will take initiative without prompting and that they will find better ways to establish discipline.