As parents, can we come together in the understanding that we strive to nurture well-rounded, open-minded, and kind individuals who contribute positively to society? We hope our children won’t become judgmental, self-centered bullies. We want them to be trustworthy, compassionate, and perceived as safe by others.
But what about you, as a parent? Do you harbor biases? Are you judgmental? Are you resistant to reconsidering the pre-existing notions in your mind? Everyone has their stubborn beliefs to some degree. For instance, when I mention the term “addict,” what imagery comes to your mind?
I suspect that unless addiction has touched your life in a deeply personal way, you probably don’t conjure up thoughts of a suffering soul. Instead, you might picture a stereotypical image of a lazy, selfish individual. I admit I used to think that way, too.
Here’s the reality: no one is defined by a single characteristic. Imagine your favorite person. Describe them. Consider their shortcomings, their strengths, and their unique traits.
One of my favorite people was my brother, Alex. I vividly remember the time I broke down in tears after an 8-week ultrasound for my child, convinced that something was amiss. He wrapped his arms around me and held me until I felt ready to let go. “It’s okay,” he reassured me. He was a comforting presence, someone I could always count on.
Alex was the type of person who loved me unconditionally and was open to any conversation, no matter how difficult. He often said, “I don’t judge,” and he meant it. His passion for nature was evident through his love for hiking and fishing, and he could often be found strumming his guitar or listening to music.
He was a remarkable friend, always available to talk, maintaining connections, offering unexpected compliments, and loving my children as if they were his own. He was also incredibly intelligent, with a fascination for history that I never shared, but his enthusiasm was contagious.
Then, tragically, he passed away. When I share the circumstances of his death, I can sense a shift in people’s reactions—from sympathy to an unspoken judgment. I used to avoid revealing the truth because it felt like it diminished everything he was.
Our nation is grappling with an opioid crisis, and my brother became a victim of that reality, dying from heroin laced with fentanyl. At just 20 years old, my adventurous, vibrant brother became yet another statistic—a label that many adults attach to him. Why do we dehumanize those who suffer? That’s what I want to address—I want to humanize him and others like him.
While it’s true that laced heroin led to my brother’s death, he was not fundamentally different from you. Just consider your own addictions, whether it be to social media or something else. I average around four hours a day on social media since I began blogging. Many of us are addicted to our screens. You might think that this comparison is unfair, but I’d argue otherwise. Addiction can take various forms, and while drugs can be deadly, the impact of social media on mental health is undeniable.
My brother’s addiction ultimately claimed his life, but it does not define him, just as your social media habits do not define you. When I reflect on Alex, it’s not the recent pictures that hurt the most; it’s the memories of his childhood. The way he used to drag his Beanie Babies around on a string, exploring our backyard, and his innocent laughter as he playfully tormented his sisters.
Our parents never anticipated this outcome, just as you cannot foresee your own child’s future. Imagine a world that turns cold during a child’s lowest moments, when they deserve compassion and support. I understand that you can only help someone who is willing to accept help, but it’s vital to recognize that a person battling addiction is still a person.
In middle school, I recall learning about drugs through a lens of stereotypes—depicting “bad” kids from troubled backgrounds. I thought I was above it all, but that’s the dangerous misconception. Addiction does not discriminate based on background, and it’s crucial as parents to remember that.
We have the opportunity to change the narrative for our children. We can foster an environment of openness and honesty, refusing to depict those struggling with addiction as monsters. We can challenge harmful comparisons that diminish human worth and promote compassion instead of judgment.
My hope is that one day, grieving parents do not need to follow their painful statements of loss with, “He was a good person.” It should be inherent in our understanding.
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Summary:
The article reflects on the author’s experiences with the loss of her brother to an overdose, emphasizing the need to humanize those affected by addiction. It challenges societal perceptions and biases surrounding addiction, advocating for compassion and understanding instead of judgment. The author stresses the importance of nurturing empathetic children who recognize addiction’s indiscriminate nature and do not view individuals struggling with it as less than human.