This year, my child entered high school, a milestone I had envisioned as a blend of academic rigor and social excitement. We are fortunate to live near an excellent public school, known for its challenging curriculum and numerous extracurricular activities. I imagined my child standing at the bus stop early in the morning, a bit groggy but ready for the day ahead. I pictured them personalizing their locker with artwork and diving into late-night study sessions for Algebra, memorizing Spanish vocabulary with flashcards. I aimed to motivate them to strive for academic excellence, especially knowing that maintaining a certain GPA could lead to a tuition-free education at a state university. My child was equally excited, albeit with a hint of nerves, about starting this new chapter.
However, this year has not unfolded as we anticipated. Instead of a bustling school environment, my child’s classroom has become their bedroom. Their computer now serves as the whiteboard, and communication with teachers takes place over email. While they could attend in-person classes, we collectively decided, for various reasons, that virtual schooling was the best option. Thankfully, both their father and I can provide the necessary support, whether at my home or theirs.
Initially, I thought I understood the adjustments we were making. We may have changed where my child learns, but I believed that school remained fundamentally the same. I still expected them to work hard and aim for high grades while keeping that scholarship goal in mind. The virtual format, allowing for assignments and tests to be retaken up to three times, seemed like a beneficial opportunity to help maintain their grades. I thought we could still pursue our previous goals within this new framework.
Yet, as the semester progressed, my child fell behind. Their grades began to slip, and the idea of retaking assignments became unrealistic due to time constraints. I struggled with balancing discipline for distractions—like YouTube—against understanding how drastically different this form of schooling was compared to their previous experiences. Frustration mounted, and at one point, I considered revoking their gaming privileges, the last source of social interaction they had left, until their schoolwork improved.
During a routine doctor’s visit, my child opened up about their struggles to a neutral party. They explained to the doctor how different and challenging this schooling experience felt. The doctor affirmed that “nothing about this is normal,” prompting us to reconsider our expectations. This conversation was a turning point for both of us. The doctor offered valuable advice on improving focus and adjusted my child’s ADHD medication to better suit their needs.
Subsequently, I had a heartfelt discussion with my child about their school experience. They expressed how challenging it is to engage with text on a screen compared to the interactive teaching style they were accustomed to. My child acknowledged the unfairness of the current situation—how the pandemic has disrupted their education and that of their peers. Although fully supportive of our decision, they long for the in-person learning environment they once enjoyed.
As I connect with other parents, I find many share similar experiences, regardless of their educational choices. Students attending traditional schools face the discomfort of wearing masks all day, or the disruption of quarantine protocols. Many families lack the necessary resources, like reliable internet, to facilitate seamless transitions between in-person and online learning. These challenges create obstacles to effective education.
It’s essential for all of us to adjust our expectations this year—of our children, teachers, and the learning process itself. Academic performance should not take precedence over mental health. Standardized testing should be paused, and teacher evaluations should reflect the unique challenges of this year. What constitutes “good teaching” when instructors are simultaneously managing in-person and virtual students? Instead, let’s prioritize mental well-being and allow students to do their best under these extraordinary circumstances.
If you’re worried about your child’s progress, you’re not alone—I share that concern. However, it’s important to remember that we are all navigating this together. Take a moment to breathe and extend kindness to yourself, your children, their teachers, and school administration. Offer support or simply a listening ear when possible. The expectations we once had for this school year, regardless of grade level, have likely shifted. And for now, that’s perfectly acceptable.
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Summary:
This school year has proven to be far from normal, leaving many families to navigate uncharted waters. With the shift to virtual learning, students face new challenges that require a reevaluation of expectations. It’s crucial to prioritize mental health over academic performance while recognizing that everyone is experiencing similar difficulties during this unprecedented time.