Growing up, I longed to have my ears pierced. My father firmly said no. While my friends in middle school sported trendy earrings, I resorted to crafting my own fake versions from plastic toy circles or metal pieces I scavenged from my dad’s toolbox. When I finally got my ears pierced, I was restricted to wearing only small studs—no hoops or dangling earrings allowed.
In 8th grade, I craved a chic asymmetrical haircut, but my parents limited me to shoulder-length styles. I faced similar restrictions with my fashion choices; faded ripped jeans and shorts were off-limits. Makeup was an absolute no-go, yet I found ways to sneak it onto the bus, only to be caught when the driver informed my parents about my antics. I’d switch to a bathroom routine, removing my makeup in the bus ride home.
It wasn’t until my high school years, after my parents’ divorce, that my mother became more lenient with my appearance. The anxiety I felt was overwhelming — it was my body, my life, yet they seemed more concerned with how I reflected on them. How unfair is that?
When my daughter expressed a desire to get her nose pierced, I didn’t hesitate to take her. A few years back, when she wanted a slit shaved in her eyebrow, I accompanied her to the salon. However, the stylist began criticizing her choice, disregarding the teenager sitting right in front of her. This triggered my inner child—who had always felt stifled in expressing herself. I firmly but kindly told the stylist to focus on her job, as personal styles are subjective.
Since then, my daughter has embraced her individuality. She’s dyed her hair in various colors, experimented with makeup trends, and recently requested a belly button piercing, which she financed herself. We celebrated with a Diet Coke afterward, her happiness radiating.
While I guide her in some areas, like asking for permission to spend the night at a friend’s house, I believe she doesn’t need my approval for body modifications. Of course, I recognize the need for parental consent in more permanent decisions like tattoos, which I support. After all, a choice made at 15 might not resonate well at 65. Thankfully, there are plenty of fun, temporary alternatives available.
I encourage my kids to express themselves—whether it’s through piercings, haircuts, or fashion. For instance, my sons enjoyed painting their nails when they were younger, and I didn’t pierce my daughter’s ears until she requested it.
With three teenagers at home, their ever-changing styles keep me on my toes. The last thing I’m going to do is restrict their self-expression through piercings, hairstyles, or clothing choices. I know they’ll find a way to assert their individuality, regardless of any pushback they might face.
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In summary, I firmly believe in allowing my teenagers to express themselves through their appearance, whether it be piercings, hair colors, or fashion choices. It’s their body, and I want them to feel empowered to make decisions that resonate with their identity.