Recently, I lost my cherished grandfather, who lived to be 96 years old and had been in a care home for the past few years. His obituary urged attendees to adhere to social distancing and safety measures, especially for those at risk. Knowing my family’s tendency to disregard these guidelines, we made the difficult decision to skip the funeral out of concern for COVID-19.
My grandfather’s passing wasn’t sudden. He had been dealing with mild dementia, required a walker that he was reluctant to use, and faced isolation due to the pandemic, which prevented family visits. He seldom used his phone, and when he did, his hearing made conversations challenging. We missed him dearly, but hadn’t seen him in quite a while.
The Family’s Attitude Towards COVID-19
When the pandemic began, my partner quickly realized the seriousness of the situation and even suggested that my mother move in with us for safety. She declined. On one occasion, when she brought us soup, I requested she follow basic COVID-19 safety guidelines, which she dismissed. It later came to light that she had been meeting friends without following any precautions, contradicting the isolation we thought she was maintaining.
When my husband addressed her violation of COVID-19 protocols, she reacted defensively. He calmly explained that we wanted to see her in a couple of weeks if she stayed quarantined; however, since then, we haven’t had any contact. Despite our offers to help her move and encouraging her to connect with us over Zoom, we were met with silence. Yet, I spotted her on social media enjoying time at the beach with friends, completely disregarding safety measures.
Concerns at the Funeral
Attending my grandfather’s funeral, I felt certain that COVID-19 safety protocols would not be followed. I could envision people crowding around, hugging, and neglecting to wear masks properly — a scenario that would make me uncomfortable, especially considering my own vigilance in public spaces.
The funeral Mass posed additional risks. As a Catholic, it involved receiving Holy Communion, which would require removing masks and sharing wafers, an unhygienic practice during a pandemic. Notably, experts warn that churches can be breeding grounds for virus transmission due to close proximity and singing, activities that increase the risk of spreading COVID-19.
Funerals typically involve various lines, from paying respects to receiving condolences, all of which are potential hazards for spreading the virus. The expectation of hugs and close contact would be overwhelming, particularly from older family members whose health is even more vulnerable.
The Emotional Toll
Ultimately, we decided to forego my grandfather’s funeral. Although my mother might perceive my absence as indifference, the truth is I prioritized safety. I understand her frustration with my strict adherence to COVID-19 protocols, but I stand firm in my decision. Perhaps my family took precautions out of social pressure, but we couldn’t risk exposure. The rising case numbers weighed heavily on our minds, and as high-risk individuals, we chose to stay home, even if it meant missing a significant event.
It’s heartbreaking to miss such an important occasion, but I had to prioritize health and safety.
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Summary:
The author recounts the decision to skip their grandfather’s funeral due to concerns about COVID-19 safety, highlighting the family’s disregard for health protocols. Despite the emotional pain of missing the funeral, the author prioritizes health over social obligations, reflecting on the impact of the pandemic on family relationships and safety.