When confronted with a threat, humans instinctively activate a survival mechanism often referred to as “fight or flight.” This instinctual response originates from the most primitive areas of our brain, compelling us to either confront the danger head-on or flee from it. However, these two options are not the only ways we react to peril. In fact, there are two additional responses: freeze and fawn. Understanding these four reactions can shed light on how we cope with trauma, as I discovered during my partner’s brief but intense struggle with a severe illness.
Fight
The “fight” response is perhaps the most straightforward to conceptualize. It’s like a warrior picking up arms against a menacing creature. Personally, I experienced this when I visited the hospital daily, fueled by determination and hope. I would insist on speaking with doctors—even without an appointment—driven by the urgency of my partner’s condition. In a battle against an unseen enemy like a tumor, I fought valiantly, wielding stubbornness as my shield in pursuit of a miracle cure.
Flight
The flight response is characterized by the instinctive urge to escape danger—running without looking back. While it may be misconstrued as cowardice, fleeing can require immense courage. Sometimes, the act of leaving a threatening situation is more challenging than confronting it. For me, fleeing didn’t mean a physical escape; instead, I overwhelmed myself with tasks to distract from the looming stress of my partner’s illness. I filled my schedule to the brim, metaphorically distancing myself from the harsh realities we faced.
Freezing
Freezing, often overlooked, can manifest as playing dead or disconnecting from the danger at hand. When my partner passed away, I felt an overwhelming urge to freeze. There was nothing left to fight, and escape was impossible. The emotional turmoil enveloped me, rendering me numb. In those days, tears streamed down my face, yet I felt disconnected from my pain. The freeze response can be a temporary refuge, but it eventually thaws, often revealing the unresolved hurt beneath.
Fawning
The least recognized of the trauma responses is fawning, a term coined by therapist Peter Walker. Those who fawn instinctively align themselves with the needs and wishes of others, often at the expense of their own well-being. This might be likened to trying to win favor from a predator by offering it food. In modern terms, fawning appears as people-pleasing or avoiding conflict. During my partner’s hospital visits, I sought to connect with the medical staff, hoping to gain some semblance of control over an uncontrollable situation. Even during the funeral, when I yearned to grieve alone, I found myself surrounded by well-wishers, putting on a brave face until physical exhaustion overwhelmed me.
Recognizing these trauma responses helps us understand our reactions to stress. They are automatic responses from our autonomic nervous system, not a reflection of personal strength or weakness. Each response has a role, but it becomes crucial not to remain entrenched in one reaction. Should any of these responses negatively impact your life, seeking help is essential. Remember to afford yourself compassion and grace, regardless of how you respond.
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Summary
Understanding the four trauma responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—can provide valuable insights into our behavior during stressful situations. Each response serves a purpose in our survival strategy, and recognizing them is the first step toward healing.