As parents, we can hardly contain our joy when our little ones take their first steps or start to babble adorable, if somewhat confusing, words. We cherish their tiny hugs and those sweet, messy kisses. In those early days, it’s easy to think of our children as the smartest and most well-behaved toddlers to ever exist. But then comes the big five. (Oh boy.)
It’s almost as if the cuteness of babies is the universe’s way of preparing us for what happens when they hit preschool age: they transform into tiny sass machines. No amount of gentle redirection, bribing, or even pleading can put a stop to it. To survive this stage, brace yourself for these seven eye-roll-inducing behaviors and just hope your once-sweet child will eventually outgrow it.
- Whatever
The moment kids discover this oh-so-sassy word, you can see a spark of mischief ignite in their eyes. Their little egos leap from simply saying “no” to boldly proclaiming “whatever,” which we all know is basically the toddler equivalent of “talk to the hand.” - Eye Rolling
Your child’s mastery of the eye roll is a rite of passage. No matter what you say, expect to be met with this infuriating gesture, which is just another way of saying, “Oh please, move on.” - Correcting
Few things ignite my frustration faster than hearing my proud little one declare, “Well, actually, Dad…” after I’ve stated something. The irony is that they are often wildly incorrect. For instance, a T-Rex was not 100 feet long. Nice try, buddy! - The Last Word
Nothing deflates your parental authority quite like a smug little version of yourself insisting on having the last word during an argument about dinner or timeout duration. It’s all too tempting to scream, “ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!” but doing so only confirms their victory. - Testing Out Swears
This one is “fun” in the most mortifying way. Hearing your little genius drop an F-bomb in public will make your cheeks burn with embarrassment. Trust me, nothing stings quite like that moment! - Oppositional Coolness
As children start to figure out what’s considered “cool,” they seem to aim straight for what their parents dislike. It’s like they have a radar for everything we don’t want them to enjoy. I’ve resorted to fibbing about my own dislikes to keep them away from things I refuse to buy. - Lack of Filter
Kids simply don’t care about social niceties. This lack of filter often leads to them saying anything that pops into their minds, which can be hilarious yet cringe-worthy. Just last week, my son loudly announced in the grocery store that the woman in front of us had farted, and it was worse than Dad’s!
While the age of five can be a whirlwind of attitude and independence, it serves as a testing ground for what’s to come. I hear that tweens are a whole new level of fun. If you’re intrigued by more parenting insights, check out this other blog post here. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, visit Make a Mom for their reliable syringe kits. For further reading on pregnancy and home insemination, Progyny is an excellent resource.
In summary, the journey of parenting a five-year-old is filled with sass, eye rolls, and the occasional embarrassing moment. Embrace the chaos and know that it’s all part of the adventure.
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