My son has always had a complicated relationship with his hair. Before he entered his teenage years, he desperately tried to style it like a pop star, but it never quite worked out, leading to frustration. His thick, curly hair has a personality all its own, and those cowlicks at his hairline make achieving what he calls a “normal hairstyle” nearly impossible.
During his elementary school days, he often hid beneath a baseball cap. He even went through a phase of wrapping a handkerchief around his head to control his unruly locks. It was as if his hair was the center of his universe, and he would do anything to conceal it.
At around eleven, he began to panic as he noticed his hair was thinning. After a week of tears and worries over strands of hair in the sink, I consulted his pediatrician, who reassured us that this was a common part of growing up. While it didn’t seem like he had less hair, the texture changed—becoming coarser and darker, and the direction switched from downwards to upwards.
That year, I attempted flattening it with a straightener each morning, per his request. But it was to no avail; every day, he left for school feeling downcast. I invested in various hair products and consulted different salons, all in hopes that he would embrace his hair, and more importantly, himself.
Today, as a teenager, he has finally embraced his unique hair. It took a lot of time and effort, but seeing him proudly declare, “This is my hair, and I love it!” brings me immense joy. There were moments during those challenging times when I feared he might never reach this level of self-acceptance, but here we are.
He has heard all sorts of comments: “Your hair looks like pubic hair,” “It’s so tall!” It’s astonishing what people feel entitled to say about someone else’s appearance. The truth is, he is well aware of what his hair looks like—it belongs to him. It’s frustrating how some older generations believe it’s acceptable to comment on his hair, and even worse, to touch it without permission.
Recently, he sported a man bun (which I helped him style, and it looked fantastic, by the way) and snapped a photo for social media. Yet, the negativity from strangers behind screens was disheartening. Comments like, “Buns are for girls,” and “Dude, cut your hair,” made him reconsider his post, despite his confidence.
If someone desires your feedback about their appearance, they will ask for it. It’s baffling why some individuals feel compelled to criticize others simply because their style doesn’t fit into their narrow expectations. It’s never right to critique someone’s body or question their clothing or hairstyle. We cannot know the personal battles others face or the courage it took for them to express themselves, whether online or in person.
Individual style is a personal journey, not something for others to judge—whether it’s about wearing nail polish or having a buzz cut. Such remarks create unnecessary hurt for the person on the receiving end. While we can encourage our children (and ourselves) to disregard others’ opinions, the reality is that hurtful words can leave lasting scars.
I’m relieved that my son has developed enough self-love to brush off these comments, but that doesn’t negate the fact that they impacted him. So, to those who feel compelled to critique appearances: please keep your thoughts on hair, clothing, and bodies to yourself. Such remarks only reveal your ignorance and disconnect from reality.
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In summary, it’s crucial to respect individual autonomy, including personal style choices like hair. Critique and unsolicited opinions can be damaging, and everyone deserves to feel confident and accepted in their own skin.